Sarah vs the coping mechanism
by Rockchick4jc
Summary: When Chuck is injured on a mission gone awry and left in a fragile mental state, Sarah helps him readjust to his life, all the while hoping he'll recover. And experimental venture in to Flangst Fluff/Angst Read and Review please!
1. Reason to live

_A/N: _

_This story is dedicated to GoldenGirl, who gave us "The words written on his chest" and inspired me to finally finish a chapter fic. _

_Many many many many x100000000 thanks to Erika aka Chuckaholic for her betaing skills. She is worthy of the title "awesome" _

_And also many thanks to Ikantdance05 (my sister Leighanne) for helping co-author and beta this fic. (Thanks for all of those nights sticking with me when mom said it was time to quit writing and go to bed) _

_This first chapter is Chuck's POV the rest is Sarah's POV. _**Without further ado, Sarah vs. the coping mechanism.**

*+*+*+*+*+*+*

It was all quite a blur. . .Sarah had promised to be careful on this mission, but I shouldn't have trusted her. She didn't need to be in the field. . . Didn't she have enough reason _not_ to be?

We had almost taken down the Fulcrum agent, until we found out he had well hidden backup.

Sarah had told me to run, but I couldn't leave her behind. . . I jumped in the way to protect her when the Fulcrum agent pulled the trigger on his handgun. . .

The bullet hurt as it passed through my chest, but no pain was equal to hearing the sound of two more shots going off, and being pinned to the ground, unable to stop it. . . I was helpless.

I heard her body hit the ground. . . Nothing seemed real.

Everything I was living for had just been lost.

And the world around me faded to black. . .

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

_(2 months earlier) _

I walked into the Orange Orange and saw Sarah frantically setting up the store. She saw me but didn't say anything. She didn't act this way unless something was wrong.

"Sarah, is everything okay?"

"I don't want to talk about it Chuck, okay?" She was being evasive. Even more evasive than usual.

"Sarah you know you can tell me anything."

"Just drop it Chuck."

"Sarah. . . " I hated it when I knew something was bothering her, and I couldn't figure out a way to get her to open up.

"Fine Chuck, you want to know? I'm pregnant." She said quickly, and continued setting up the counter.

"Sarah. . . It was just that _one _time. You can't be pregnant." Of course the _one_ time we're together for real, no cover, things get complicated.

"Well apparently it is possible Chuck, and the _three_ positive pregnancy tests agree. . . Chuck I'm pregnant." She repeated herself as she leaned forward on the counter.

Why was she acting like this was a bad thing? I mean sure this wasn't the ideal situation for bringing a child into the world but still. We were going to have a baby!

Us as parents. . . A frightening yet wonderful thought.

"Well. . . um wow. I know this isn't planned or anything but it's still. . . fantastic."

"Chuck." She sighed. "Chuck the timing is. . . It's just not good."

I looked into her ocean blue eyes. "What are you gonna do? I mean you _are_ gonna keep the, um, baby, aren't you?"

It may not have been good timing, at all, but in the short few minutes I've known she was pregnant, there hasn't been a second where I regretted this baby's existence. . . The beautiful baby of Sarah Walker and Chuck Bartowski.

"Yeah. Chuck you don't have to worry about that. Unless Beckman finds out. . ." She said, running a hand through her hair.

."Should we like, get married or something?" I wanted to do the right thing, and be more of a father than my father was to me. But really I already knew the answer to that question.

"No Chuck, I don't think that is a good solution, right now at least." Her beautiful smile lit up the room for the first time today.

Sarah used to be my _main_ reason for living. But something had awakened inside of me and now _they_ were my reason for living.

And I _knew_ that I couldn't live without _both_ of them. . .

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


	2. The coping mechanism

It was all quite a blur. . . Chuck getting shot to protect me. . .The Fulcrum agent grazing me with a bullet after missing another shot at me. . . Casey and the calvary coming in and taking the Fulcrum team into custody. . . Chuck being put in the ambulance and being rushed to the hospital. . . It all happened so fast. But now every second seemed like an hour.

The idea of Chuck getting hurt to protect me – well me _and_ our baby – was unbearable.

Why did Chuck have to be so sweet, protective and heroic? I still don't understand.

I nervously waited for the doctors to come and give me an update. I wanted to go see Chuck and make sure he was okay.

The last time I had seen Chuck, he was bleeding, lying face up, on the ground.

I couldn't have that image of Chuck be stuck in my head much longer. . .

After what felt like an eternity, the door to my observation room opens. Ellie and Devon walk in slowly. Unfortunately, neither of them are Chuck's attending doctor so we all sit together solemnly waiting for any word on the injured one we love.

I look at Ellie's tear-stained face and I can tell that inside her heart is aching. The boy she raised, her innocent, sweet, little brother could be dying and there is nothing she can do to stop it.

Simultaneously, we all look up as Chuck's doctor, a nervous looking man whose name tag read Dr. Faraday finally walks in.

"Dr. Bartow...er, sorry. Dr. Woodcomb, could you come with me for a moment?"Dr. Faraday says stumbling over his words.

Ellie nods and follows him outside the door. My heart starts pounding in my chest. What could he be telling her that he had to bring her out of the room for? Is Chuck...? I can't even think that, he has to be alive, he just has to.

Dr. Faraday walks back in and I see Ellie going down the hall to the room where they were working on Chuck.

"Is Chuck alr...?"Devon starts to ask.

"His condition is stable. Mr. Bartowski sustained a single gunshot wound to his left shoulder, but the bullet passed straight through without damaging any bones or vital organs He can probably go home sometime tomorrow. . . _However_. . . " He over enunciated the last word he said, almost as if he were buying time, trying to figure out how to say whatever was coming next.

". . . When Mr. Bartowski work up, he was disoriented – which is completely understandable given the circumstance – so we had our psychologist, Dr. Burke, analyze him. And as far as the trauma goes, he's completely fine, and doesn't even remember what happened. _But. . . _"

"'But' what? There's something you're not telling us." I asked, my worry for Chuck escalating.

"But, he seems to be suffering from a great deal of post traumatic stress, in a very unique way actually. . . He seems to have reverted to the mindset of a younger version of himself, perhaps because his way of dealing with the trauma was to go back- mentally- to a time where everything was all right."

"Wait, you're saying that. . ." The doctor cut me off mid sentence.

"It's a coping mechanism. The brain is a uniquely made and marvelous piece of _equipment_. And every brain is different. And after going through a traumatic event, like a drive-by shooting, his brain had to find a way to protect itself. To prevent Mr. Bartowski from having to process anything more complex."

If Dr. Faraday had the clearance, he would catch the irony of his choice of words, when saying that Chuck's brain is a "marvelous piece of _equipment." _And Chuck's unique coping mechanism might make more sense to him if he knew that this 'traumatic event' was _no _drive-by shooting.

"A _younger version_ of himself?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing, and honestly I was more of a concerned girlfriend than a CIA handler at this point.

"Yes. . . Possibly around the age of eight or nine. Everything past there he seems to have blocked out entirely."

"is. . . Can I go see him?"

"He probably won't remember you. . . " _Those words cut like the sharpest of knives._ ". . . But you may go see him. . ." Dr. Faraday said, nervously fixing his tie.

I didn't bother to thank the doctor as I left Devon behind in the observation room.

I wasn't fully processing all of this. . . It didn't seem real. . . I wanted to think this was some sick joke or an extremely vivid nightmare, but I never woke up. . .

I walked frantically down the hall and met Ellie outside of Chuck's room. She looked as distraught as I had been feeling. . .

"Did he tell you?"

"Mmhmm." Was all I managed to respond with.

"I just talked to him. He's awake. He knew who I was, well kind of. . . I told him about mom and dad leaving, and I did my best to fill him in on why he's here. I told him about you. I told him you were his friend and that you were going to come see him. . . Sarah it's so hard to see him like this." Ellie said, a few tears escaping from her eyes.

"I'm sorry all of this has happened."

"Sarah, this isn't your fault."

"I know, but I should have protected him." A wave a guilt came over me.

"You did all that you could." Ellie reassured, putting her hand on my shoulder.

I nod conceding to what she had said, though on the inside I was still blaming myself. "I'm gonna go see him." I say as I slowly open the door to Chuck's hospital room.

My heart rate increased as I walked through the door way, unsure of what to expect. This wasn't the kind of thing I was trained to react to. My steps forward were slow as I walked toward the hospital bed.

I couldn't bring my eyes up from the ground, simply because I wasn't ready to see him. That made everything _too _real. . .

When I walked as far as my feet could take me, I looked up slowly, frightened and shocked by what I was seeing. . . It wasn't what I had expected at all. . .

............................

A/N, Dr. Faraday and Dr. Burke are in fact 'Lost' references.


	3. A different Chuck

_When I walked as far as my feet could take me, I looked up slowly, frightened and shocked by what I was seeing. . . It wasn't what I had expected at all. . ._

There he was, lying on the hospital bed. He looked completely . . . Normal. Minus the bandages on his chest.

I couldn't find anything _wrong _with him. Nothing looked out of place. He just looked like Chuck.

He opened his resting eyes and slowly looked over at me. . .

"You're awake. . ." I sighed, sitting down at his bedside.

"Are you Sarah?" He asked softly. It was the same voice I was used to hearing say my name, but the inflection was different. . . Chuck was different.

I nod and stifle a sob. "Yeah, I'm Sarah."

"Ellie told me me about you. She said you were gonna come see me. She said we were friends."

"Yeah Chuck, we're friends. . . Actually you're my best friend." My own words brought on a fresh sting of pain.

I could see the disorientation in his eyes and in the way he moved. I couldn't imagine what it must've been like for him. . . Waking up in a strange place, in pain for a reason you didn't even know. . . And being inside of a body, that is so much different than what you are used to. . .

Because all he remembered was being a child. . . He remembered nothing of the man he was. . . The man I love.

"The doctor said you could go home tomorrow."

"Good." Chuck sighed. "I don't like hospitals, or doctors really. I'm afraid of needles."

I laughed softly and a few tears fell. "I know."

"Oh yeah, sorry. . . I guess you'd know that already." Chuck smiled shyly and then winced in pain.

"Do you feel okay?" I ask concerned.

"Yeah it's just my shoulder kinda hurts." He said quietly and then closed his eyes.

"Are you tired?"

"Kinda. But I just woke up, so I think I should be awake right?" He grinned.

"Well Chuck, you've been through a lot today. . . I think you should get some rest." I said getting up to leave.

"Okay. . . " Chuck seemed slightly afraid to fall back asleep in the hospital room full of needles.

"I'll be here when you wake up."

"Thanks." I helped him get into a more comfortable position and he fell asleep quickly. . .

_While I sat and watched over him as he slept, I began thinking more like a CIA agent, and one question outweighed all of the others in my mind . . . What about the Intersect? _


	4. Homecoming

_A/N The last chapter was a little short, and I'm not going to have my computer for a day or so, so I figured I'd give you two chapters today. Hope you enjoy! _

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_. . . What about the Intersect? _

Chuck hadn't flashed since he had woke up after the shooting. I didn't know if I should consider it a good thing or a bad thing.

The protective girlfriend in me didn't want eight year old Chuck to have to deal with the Government, the Intersect (and the flashes that come with it) or anything from the spy life that Chuck has had to deal with.

However, the CIA agent in me wanted to make sure that the Intersect was still intact in Chuck's mind. So conflict raged inside of me.

I had stayed at the hospital with Chuck overnight, and the doctors finally discharged him in the morning.

Ellie-who had as well stayed overnight- and I drove Chuck back to the apartment. As we walked across the courtyard, Chuck seemed confused and stopped walking.

"What's wrong Chuck?" Ellie and I asked simultaneously.

"Where are we?" He asked sitting down on the side of the fountain.

Ellie looked at me and gave me her 'I'll handle this' look.

She sat beside him and put her hand on his knee.

"This is home Chuck. We've lived here for. . . a while." She sighed.

"Oh, sorry. I guess I forgot that things aren't normal. . . Well things are normal for you I guess. " Chuck said quietly, almost as if he were ashamed of not having all of his memories.

Ellie put her hand on Chuck's shoulder and they both stood up.

"Let's go inside." She walked towards the door and I noticed Casey walking out of his apartment and into the courtyard.

I walked over to stop him from getting a chance to talk to Chuck.

"Sarah are you coming inside?" Chuck asked, before entering the apartment.

"I'll be right there." I said, as Ellie shut the door.

I hadn't seen Casey since the mission, and even though he had been there when everything had gone wrong when we were taking down the Fulcrum agent, he still had no idea what Chuck's current situation was.

"I see you got Bartowski home in one piece."

"Casey, we need to talk." I said, and the only acknowledgment I got in return was one of Casey's grunts.

"You better make whatever _'talk' _ this is fast, because Beckman wants to talk to you and Chuck about the mission."

"Casey, when Chuck woke up, he wasn't. . . he wasn't himself. Well he was _himself, _it's just, um. . . "

"Spit it out Walker." Casey growled.

"It's kind of complicated."

"Well I've got time so finish your story, cause your wasting daylight here Walker."

"He's suffering from post traumatic stress and Chuck's mind is very fragile. . . "

"You've got that right." I ignored his comment and finished my sentence.

". . . and he didn't know how to deal with the trauma, so he had reverted back to a _younger version _ of himself. . . " The words stung as they came out of my mouth " . . . So things are easier for his mind to compute."

Casey still showed no change in emotion, and I wasn't expecting him to.

"Do you want me to go talk to him or something, maybe I can fix the glitch in Robot Boy's brain."

"No Casey, I don't want you getting within talking distance. _Especially_ if you're going to talk about him like that." I said forcefully.

Whatever damage had already been done to Chuck's brain, being talked to by John Casey could only make things worse.

Casey grunted and almost seemed amused at my anger.

"So how much _younger _ does Bartowski think he is?" Casey's mocking tone was not helping anything.

"He's about eight years old."

I think I saw a look of shock cross Casey's face. I couldn't be sure though.

"Oh. So what about the Intersect?" Only Major John Casey, could be more worried about the Intersect than Chuck after finding out that Chuck thinks that he is a child

"I don't know yet. He hasn't flashed since the accident."

"Well what are we supposed to do about _that_? Better yet, what are we gonna tell Beckman?"

"I'll figure something out. I'm gonna go inside and check on Chuck."

Casey nodded and walked away. "Well at least you don't have to worry about your not-so-_cover_ relationship." Casey smiled at his own cruel joke.

And before I turned to go inside, I gave Casey a look that would make the coldest of hearts run away in fear. . .

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I'll try to respond to every review or answer any questions you guys have. Thanks for all of the positive feedback thusfar!


	5. Best friends

_A/N you guys are great at waiting, so I'm giving you two chapters as a reward. Hopefully I'll get rewarded with good reviews *fingerscrossed_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"_Well at least you don't have to worry about your not-so-cover relationship."_

I'd never really thought about how Chuck's current mind-frame would affect our relationship, cover or not, I had only worried about him and his wellbeing.

But the words Casey said hurt in a way I didn't expect them to. . .

I walked into the house, Ellie was apparently ending her grand tour of the apartment.

". . . And last but not least, Chuck, this is your room." I walked through the house and found myself at the doorway of Chuck's room.

Chuck seemed to be amazed at all of the cool gizmo's and gadgets in his room, and his eyes lit up when he saw a blue toy lightsaber in the floor.

"So I'm supposed to be twenty eight and I _still_ have a lightsaber? Awesome!" Chuck said picking up the toy and swinging it around.

Both me and Ellie felt the irony of Chuck's words because just days before this, Ellie was telling Chuck that he needed to throw out that very lightsaber.

"Yeah Chuck, you still have a lightsaber." She said with a smile.

"Do we play lightsabers together Sarah?" He asked, looking anxious to hear my answer.

"I'm not the lightsaber fighting type. You normally play Star Wars with Morgan."

"Morgan? You mean the kid from school Morgan Grimes?"

"You remember Morgan?"

"Yeah I remember he liked my new shoes. We play together after school. So I'm twenty eight and I still play with Morgan?"

"Mmhmm." I smiled. "You guys are best friends."

"That's so cool. . . But I thought you said that _we _were, I mean, we _are_ best friends?"

"We are Chuck, it's just that you and Morgan are more like brothers and me and you, well, we're something _different." _

"Huh? I don't get it."

"Let me explain, Chuck." I sat down on his bed and he sat down beside me. Ellie backed out of the room to give us some privacy.

"Okay. . . "

"Chuck, me and you are a different kind of best friends. We're friends because we work together, but also, we, um. . . " _How do I talk about relationships with my boyfriend who thinks that he's eight years old? _". . .we like each other like. . "

"_Like. . ._ like boyfriend and girlfriend?" He asked, finishing my sentence for me.

"Yeah Chuck. I'm your girlfriend."

"You mean to tell me that I have a girlfriend who is a pretty as _you _?"

I blushed at Chuck's words. The attraction I felt for Chuck was on the back burner until he was back to being himself, but that didn't mean it wasn't there. My love for Chuck was the same, yet somehow _completely _different. . . Kind of like his current state of mind.

I nodded, answering Chuck's question.

"Wow. This is pretty amazing. I guess growing up isn't _all_ bad, I mean, I still play with Morgan and have a _really _pretty girlfriend." Chuck's bright smile lit up the room.

_. . .No Chuck it's not all bad, but you don't know about the other part of your life yet. . . _

"So Chuck do you want something to eat?"

"Yeah sure. I haven't ate much since I was in the hospital. How is it that in twenty years hospital food is still gross? Ew. . . " He shuddered.

"Some things never change." I smiled as we walked out into the living room.


	6. Superhero

.............

_. . .No Chuck it's not all bad, but you don't know about the other part of your life yet. . . _

Every second I spent with Chuck made me hurt all the more. I wanted so bad for Chuck to keep this innocence, to not have to live the life he's been forced into.

It wasn't fair really, for him to have to live his life as a spy and not have a choice. But it wasn't fair for him to forget his whole life either.

"So what do we have to eat?" Chuck asked as we walked into the living room.

The difference in Chuck's actions and speech were undeniable. Even though it was his same voice, he spoke more like a child, and even the way he walked was different. He didn't stand up straight like he usually did. I guess it's because he wasn't used to being six foot four.

"I don't know, what do you like?"

"Chinese food sounds good. Or pizza. I don't really care." He said sitting down onto the couch.

_Chinese food or pizza_. . . I guess I was right, some things never change.

"Chinese food sounds great." I agreed.

"Pizza sounded better." He said grinning.

"Okay, pizza it is."

"Can we get extra olives?"

I cringed. _More_ olives to pick off. "Sure Chuck, anything you want." I guess some sacrifices could be made.

After I ordered the pizza-with extra olives- I sat down beside Chuck.

"Can we watch TV?" Chuck asked.

"Of course."

Chuck got a goofy grin on his face. I could tell he was excited about the LCD TV in the living room.

And it must've been fate, because the first image that was on the TV when it turned on was the opening credits of Star Wars: Return of the Jedi.

"This is _so_ cool." Chuck said hardly above a whisper. Only Chuck could be rendered speechless over a TV.

When Star Wars went to commercial Chuck grabbed the remote and started flipping through the channels at top speed until he made it to the news. . .

"Chuck why are you watching the news? It's not exactly the most fun show on TV." No response.

I looked at Chuck and saw his blank stare into space. He looked like someone in REM sleep. He looked like he did whenever he flashed on something. . .

As soon as it had began, it ended.

"Wh- what was that- that guy he- he- he's. . . Fulcrum? What's a Fulcrum? What just happened to me?" He asked, panicking and breathless.

The Intersect was still active, in the brain of a man who had the mind frame of a child.

"Chuck it's okay, calm down. . . " I put my hand on his shoulder.

"What happened?" Ellie asked running into the room.

"Nothing, everything is alright." I said giving Ellie a look that said '_we'll talk in a second_''

Ellie nodded, and walked into the kitchen.

"Everything's alright? Sarah what just happened?" Chuck asked, still frantic.

_How do you explain to an eight year old boy, that his brain contains top secret government computer files?_

"Chuck, everything _is _alright. You see, about two years ago, someone I work with sent you an email that had _a lot _of pictures in it, and you are a really smart guy, so you remembered every one of those pictures in the back of your mind.

"Well those pictures had a bunch of government files hidden inside of them, and since you remembered them all in the back of your head, every time you see something that's _in_ one of those files, you remember it. We call it a flash. It's kind of like your super power, because it helps you stop bad guys." Explaining the Intersect concept to eight year old minded Chuck was challenging.

While I explained the situation to Chuck he seemed to calm down, but I could tell by looking into his eyes that he was still shaken by the flash.

"So I have secret pictures in my brain, and I'm a superhero?"

Chuck's innocence and grasp on the idea of the computer fies his mind now carries brought a smile to my face.

"Yeah Chuck. Kind of. Super heroes save people and stop bad guys, and they do things that no one else can, and you do that so I guess that makes you one. But every good superhero needs a couple of sidekicks right?"

"I have a _sidekick_?" He said the word sidekick like it brought a bad taste to his mouth.

"Well, _we're_ more like partners."

"You are my sidekick? Cool. Do you have secret pictures in your brain too?"

"No. I work for the CIA, I don't have any cool powers, but I do get to carry a gun."

"Guns aren't really my thing. . ." Chuck sounded the most like himself when he said that.

". . . And I guess that's a good thing, because Ellie said I got shot. Sarah, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure go ahead."

"Did I get hurt while I was saving someone?" He asked, his soft brown eyes fixed on mine.

"Yeah Chuck, you got shot to save two people." I said, closing my eyes, the scenes of the accident yesterday morning repeating again and again behind my eyelids.

"Wow, I don't like having to get shot, but if it was to save two people I guess it was worth it. You got hurt too. Did you get hurt trying to save someone?"

"Yeah, but I didn't get hurt that bad." _Nowhere near as much as you did. . . _


	7. Olives and a sleepover

_a/n, So there is no further confusion, in my Chuckverse Ellie, Awesome and Morgan found out about Chuck's secret life. Hope you guys like this! *fingerscrossed _

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_How do you explain to an eight year old boy, that his brain contains top secret government computer files?_

_How do you explain to his concerned older sister that he still holds the Intersect even with his current eight year old frame of mind? _

"Chuck, I'm gonna go talk to Ellie for a minute I'll be right back okay?"

"Okay." Chuck said quietly, apparently still trying to wrap his head around everything I'd just told him.

I walked over into the kitchen and sighed.

"What happened?" Ellie asked, wanting more of the story than what she had overheard.

"Chuck was changing the channels and it landed on the news, it was a report about a man who we recently apprehended, and Chuck flashed on him. He didn't know what happened and he freaked out." Ellie looked distraught, I guessed for the same reason I was. . . The Intersect was being stored in the mind of an innocent eight year old boy.

"I explained everything to him as best as I could, but I still don't understand everything myself. . . If he forgot everything in the past twenty years, how is it possible that he remembered the Intersect files?"

"Well what I've learned recently is that the files are embedded in his subconscious. His brain used this coping mechanism to protect the conscious part of his brain, which wouldn't effect his subconscious. Maybe he kept it as part of the coping mechanism, I mean the Intersect is a very important part of Chuck's mind now." Ellie said.

When Ellie gained clearance, she took it upon herself to learn as much about the Intersect and it's effect on Chuck as possible.

"That makes sense." I nodded, our conversation being interrupted by a knock on the door.

"The pizza guy is here!" Chuck yelled from the living room.

"You can answer the door If you want." I said.

"I can't! I'm not allowed to!"

"It's okay Chuck, you can answer the door." Ellie said.

"Oh. Okay. But I don't know what to say I've never answered the door to a stranger before."

Chuck's dilemma about answering the door brought a smile to both of our faces.

.........................

Taking olives off of a pizza normally wasn't a hard task, but this pizza was covered with those troubling black fruits.

"Sarah, why are you picking off all of the olives? Don't you like them?" Chuck asked giving me a strange look.

"Olives aren't my favorite thing."

"Oh. Well why didn't you say so when you were ordering the pizza? You didn't have to get them." Chuck said. It was amazing how even with the mind of a child Chuck was still so self sacrificing.

"It's not that hard to pick them off Chuck." I smiled.

"Oh okay. Well can I have them?"

"Be my guest." I said passing my plate across the table.

I didn't quite understand why, but even now Chuck was very observant of my likes and dislikes.

As I gazed into Chuck's green specked brown eyes I absentmindedly took a bite of my pizza, now normally I would have looked at the pizza but I became so lost in his eyes that I didn't even notice that I'd missed an olive.

Usually one olive wouldn't have been that bad, but with the constant nausea that my pregnancy brought, that one little olive was unbearable.

Dizziness and the familiar feeling that the pizza I had enjoyed thus far wasn't going to allow itself to be kept down landed me in the bathroom, where I got sick.

After a few minutes, Chuck came to check on me.

"Are you gonna be okay?" He asked from outside the door.

"Yeah I'm fine now." I replied walking out of the bathroom.

"That's good. . . You don't think I can catch what you have do you? Because throwing up means going back to the hospital and back in the hospital means more needles. " Chuck said slightly panicked.

"No Chuck I don't think what I have is contagious." _Actually, you kind of gave it to me in the first place. _

"So you mean I can't get it?" Chuck asked, still maintaining his distance from me.

"Don't worry Chuck, you're safe." I smiled, walking back into the dining room.

"I got you some ginger ale. It always helps me when I'm sick." Chuck grinned.

"Thanks Chuck. That's really sweet of you."

"So do you have any idea why you got sick?"

"I guess it must've just been because I accidentally ate an olive. I'll be fine though."

It was then that I realized that with no idea, when or if, Chuck's memory would ever return, that sooner or later I was going to have to tell him that I was going to have a baby. . . _his baby. _

I just didn't know how to explain that fact to eight year old Chuck. . .

..........................

When the night came to an end, I wasn't quite sure what I was supposed to do.

_Do I go home? Do I stay here? Should I stay in his room? Should I sleep on the couch? _

I was filled with conflict but decided I should probably go home. Though home alone was the last place on Earth I wanted to be right now. I wanted to stay with him.

"Where are you going Sarah?" Chuck asked, following me to the courtyard in his night clothes.

"I just thought that I'd go home and come back in the morning."

"Oh. I kinda wanted you to stay. I mean Ellie is married and she says that she's going to share her bed with her boyfriend- I mean husband-whenever he comes home, so I'll be all alone in my room. I thought that you could stay in my room with me. I mean my new bed is huge so you can sleep with me if you want."

I knew that Chuck wasn't meaning anything by the suggestion, but at this point, I wasn't sure that I could handle staying in the same bed as him. It made things too real, and it hurt.

"Chuck. . . " I started to protest but was interrupted.

"I mean we're best friends. Best friends have sleepovers right?"

"I guess you're right." I sighed. "I'll stay."

"Awesome." He smiled.

We both walked back into the house and I got a blanket and a pillow and laid down beside of his bed.

"Are you sure that you don't want to sleep up here? Cause you got sick tonight and the floor can't feel good to sleep on- I wouldn't want to sleep on the floor- and my new bed is big enough for the both of us and it's comfortable. I'm just saying." Chuck said looking down at me from the bed.

"Don't worry about me Chuck I'll be fine."

"Okay, but if you can't sleep down there you can come up here." He smiled.

"Thanks Chuck."

"It's really not a problem. Um, Sarah I have a question. . . How am I supposed to sleep with the bandages on my chest and stuff. I mean they're itchy and I still hurt a lot, and the only time I've slept with them was in the hospital bed."

"Here Chuck, I'll help you get comfortable." I stood up and helped Chuck find a way to sleep with the bandages on. I got back down on the floor and laid down.

"Sarah. . . It's cool that I have a superhero power, but what happened tonight was really scary, I mean I can't get that scary guy's face out of my head." Chuck said swinging his arm that was hanging off of the bed back and forth.

"Chuck it's okay. We stopped that guy the other day and he can't ever hurt anyone again so you don't have to worry."

"Oh. Well I'm glad."

"Chuck, you don't ever have to worry about anything. I'll always take care of you. . . No matter what." _Even if you don't remember me_.

I held his hand that was dangling off of the bed and held on tight. He closed his eyes, falling asleep as I rubbed his hand.

"Good night Chuck. . . I lo. . . " _I love you Chuck_. "I'll see you in the morning." I quietly finished my sentence.

"Night Sarah." He mumbled falling fast asleep.

_If only sleep could be that easy for me. . . _

..........................

R&R please ;)


	8. A familiar environment

_A/N Waffleman, I said I'd post a new chapter if you did, so here you go :D _

_ Same reminder as before, Morgan, Ellie and Awesome know about Chuck's spy life. Anyways. . .  
_

........................

_If only sleep could be that easy for me. . . _

After tossing and turning until three in the morning, I finally fell asleep only to be greeted by an unwelcome nightmare.

_The scenes of the accident playing again and again. . . _

"_Chuck, just go I'll be fine! **You** are the Intersect, **you** need to be protected!" _

if he would have just listened to me. . . Well, I wouldn't be here, but the cost of his current mental state wasn't worth protecting me.

"_Sarah I can't." "Chuck just go." _

I had pleaded. It wasn't about my safety, it was about him. Why was he protecting me? That was by no means his responsibility_._

_And then I confronted the Fulcrum agent , he aimed and I closed my eyes the gun went off. . . I didn't feel any pain. . . Until I opened my eyes and saw Chuck bleeding on the ground. He'd just taken a bullet meant for me. . ._

_That scene played a few times until I found myself in an unknown location. It was dark, but nice in appearance. It was homey. And that's part of what made the scene so eerie. _

_I could hear my name being called by a familiar voice. It was Chuck. _

_I followed the sound of his voice into the room I quickly recognized as a nursery. I was frightened by what I saw, and not because it was some horrific image, but because of what I recognized immediately what I was seeing. . . _

_A little boy. . . Curly brown hair, warm olive skin and those green specked brown eyes. . ._

"_Chuck?" I breathed still shaken by the image. _

"_Shh....He's still asleep." I hadn't noticed before but the young boy was holding a baby. A baby with those same green and brown eyes. . . _

_I was speechless. I had gone from a mixture of pain and anguish to a feeling of fear and despair. _

"_Sarah." The boy said quietly. "Sarah wake up." _

And my eyes snapped open, and I saw Chuck sitting over me.

"I thought you were gonna sleep forever. Were you having a bad dream or something? You don't look okay." Chuck said.

"It's okay I'll be fine." I said, trying to shake the images of the nightmare. "Did you sleep good?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Yeah. It was kinda hard to sleep in a new bed. Well new to me at least. But it was fine." Chuck replied. "How about you?"

"I slept fine." I lied.

"Seriously you can't enjoy sleeping on the floor. You can sleep up here tonight." Chuck smiled brightly.

"Thanks Chuck." I wasn't sure if I could resist his offers much longer.

"So, um, when we're not saving the world what do we do all day?" Chuck asked.

"You feel like going somewhere?"

...................................

After we both got up and got ready we got in my car and drove to the Buymore.

When Chuck was being discharged from the hospital Dr. Faraday had suggested that we expose Chuck to things that might be familiar to him, that could trigger his memories.

And if anything would be familiar to Chuck it would be the Buymore.

As we walked into the Buymore Chuck looked around and he looked like the doors to heaven had just opened.

"Why are we in an electronics store?"

"Because Chuck, you work here at the Buymore."

"I work here? This is. . . .this is amazing." Chuck took small steps forward like he was afraid that the store was merely a figment of his imagination that would disappear if he stepped forward too quickly.

Chuck was being so incredibly. . . like himself.

Chuck wandered toward the video games and before I could follow him I noticed Morgan in the home theater room motioning for me to come and see him.

I walked across the sales floor and into the home theater room.

"Sarah, I heard about the accident, are you okay?" Morgan asked embracing me. I hadn't expected a hug from Morgan but then again I'd learned if anyone in my life was full of surprises it was the employees of the Buymore.

I softly returned the embrace and backed away readjusting the bandages on my arm.

"Yeah Morgan I'm fine. How much exactly _have_ you heard?"

"Well I heard the 'official report' but Casey told me about the mission. Chuck really looks out for you."

"Yeah, he does." _Even when it's not his responsibility._ "He'd rather put himself in danger than see something happen to us."

"Us? Who you and Casey?"

I had forgotten that we hadn't gotten around to telling Morgan about the baby yet. We weren't telling much of anyone right now, because we were hiding the fact that I was pregnant from the government. Of course that plan was never longterm seeing the CIA _will _find out eventually.

"Um. . . Not exactly."

"Sarah are you and Chuck gonna have a. . . "

"Mmhmm. We are."

"Wow that is. . . something else. I can't believe it. My little Chuckie is all grown up and starting a family. . . How long have you known?"

"Um, a few months actually. I'm sorry but we couldn't tell you before now. Government stuff."

"Nah, I get it, it's cool. You gotta do what you gotta do right?"

Morgan's words had a certain irony because I had something that I had to do right now: I _had_ to tell Morgan about Chuck's current situation.

"So where is the pops-to-be?"

"He's, um. . ." How exactly was I supposed to tell Morgan, Chuck's _best friend _that the accident had caused Chuck to have the mentality of an eight year old? "Well, Chuck is playing a video game over at the demos right now but. . ."

"But what? Is something wrong Sarah?"

I slowly nodded. "Yeah Morgan, there is. Um, when Chuck woke up in the hospital he. . . We found out that he was experiencing a lot of post traumatic stress and his brain didn't know how to deal with it and. . ."

"And?"

"And to save his brain he sort of shut down and. . . And he's lost a lot of his memory."

"What? How much of his memory?" Morgan asked, with an admirable concern for Chuck's wellbeing.

"About. . . About twenty years worth." The sting of tears in my eyes reflected the pain I was feeling.

"Wow. So he thinks that he's _eight_?"

"Yeah." I said quietly.

"Are you okay? I mean this situation sucks and it hurts me a lot to know about it, but I mean you're his girlfriend." Morgan said, apparently playing his role as Dr. Morgan PhD.

"No I'm not. But I'm not worried about me right now. I'm worried about him." I looked out of the home theater room and saw Chuck, obviously enjoying the game he was playing.

As much as he seemed the same as before, it was obvious that he wasn't that same Chuck. Right now he just looked like a little boy trying to figure out how to play a video game.

Morgan put his hand on my shoulder. "Thing's will be okay Sarah."

"Do you want to go talk to him?"

"Can I?"

"He was talking about you yesterday at the house. He said you guys went to school and were good friends and that you. . . liked his shoes?"

"That was in the second grade. I remember that's when he started rocking the Chuck Taylor's! I'm more of a Vans guy myself but. . . but you don't care about any of this do you?"

"Not really. But he does." I smiled, fighting off more tears.

Morgan smiled.

"I'm gonna go talk to him."

_The fact that he was still going to be a best friend to Chuck even though he wasn't the same, said a lot about the character of Morgan Grimes. . . _

_.........._

_Read and Review please as always! :D  
_


	9. Realizations

..........................

_The fact that he was still going to be a best friend to Chuck even though he wasn't the same, said a lot about the character of Morgan Grimes. . . _

"What should I say to him?" Morgan asked nervously as we walked toward Chuck.

"Just tell him who you are. I mean you guys _are_ best friends so I think that you'll find something to talk about." I walked to the aisle beside of the video game that Chuck was currently playing.

I couldn't help but overhear Morgan and Chuck's conversation.

"Hey buddy." Morgan stood beside of Chuck.

"Hi. . . Um do I know you? Because if I do I'm sorry I don't remember a whole lot." Chuck said shyly.

"Heck yeah you know me. Take away the beard and about twenty years. . ." Morgan covered up the bottom part of his face and Chuck seemed to automatically realize who it was.

"Morgan!" Chuck abandoned the video game and hugged Morgan tightly.

"Yeah buddy it's me."

"You're so short and. . . fuzzy."

"So I've been told. And actually I've gotten way taller since the second grade, you're just a giant now." Morgan laughed.

"Yeah. It's weird being this tall."

"I'm sure. But it's not a bad thing to be tall, because I would kill to be as tall as you are."

"I guess your right. At least I'm not short like you." Chuck stuck his tongue out at Morgan.

"Ha ha really funny."

"And by the way, what's with the beard? You look like Commander Riker. . . Well Commander Riker from TNG season two."

"Commander Riker got all of the ladies didn't he? Besides he shaves it off in Star Trek: Insurrection. The third Star Trek TNG movie."

"They have movies?!"

"After seven seasons of course."

"Wow I forgot a lot."

Even though I was listening to Morgan and Chuck's conversation I couldn't miss the sound of one of Casey's unmistakable grunts from behind me.

I turned around and saw him standing there, watching Morgan and Chuck's conversation completely unamused.

"So Walker, you up here _babysitting _your boy toy?"

"Did you just come over here to antagonize me or do you actually have a reason for being here?"

"Well I _am_ working." Casey's sarcasm was not welcome.

"Looks to me like you're just standing here."

"Don't _you _have a job to do Walker?"

I replied to his comment with a harsh glare. "I am doing my job. I'm taking care of Chuck."

"Sounds to me like you've been taking care of him in more ways than one."

"What did you say?"

"You heard me." Casey replied, his tone full of snark. "Protecting Bartowski is my job too. Can't help it if I don't get all mushy about it. . . But, then again, I'm not the one with Bartowski's bun in my oven now am I?"

"Casey!"

"Truth is truth, Walker."

"How did you know?" I whispered.

"Well it's getting kinda obvious don'tcha think? Besides surveillance _is_ my job. By the way, why are we whispering?"

I looked back over at Chuck and Morgan.

"Oh I see. So little Bartowski doesn't know that his older self got you knocked up?"

"Casey he's eight years old!"

"So? It's not like he isn't gonna find out sooner or later."

And I had no come back. Because for once Casey had a point.

_Even though I didn't want him to, Chuck was going to find out soon . . . _

............................

_A/N, Before I get comments saying the conversation between Morgan and Chuck was too short let me tell you 2 things: _

_1, There is more to the conversation that we don't see because it is from Sarah's POV and she doesn't hear the whole conversation and_

_2, There will be more Morgan and Chuck scenes ahead, so bear with me :D _

_As always R&R _


	10. The promise

_A/N happy Monday! I'm giving you two chapters! _

...........................

_Even though I didn't want him to, Chuck was going to find out soon . . . _

I couldn't shake that thought, even after we returned to the apartment. So I just tried to keep my thoughts elsewhere, helping Ellie in the kitchen while Chuck and Devon were playing the Wii fit.

Chuck liked it because it was an interactive video game. Devon liked it because it was fitness training.

"How did things go at the Buymore?" Ellie asked while pouring macaroni into a pot of boiling water. We were having Macaroni and Cheese. . . One of Chuck's favorite foods.

"Things went well. He talked to Morgan. They had a nice talk I guess." And of course it was at Buymore where Casey reminded me that I was going to have to tell Chuck about the baby eventually.

"Okay. . . Is something bothering you Sarah?"

"It's nothing really." _Nothing I'd care to talk about. Or think about for that matter. _

"No, I know better than that. You can talk to me if something is bothering you."

"It's just. . . Casey said some things at the store that have me thinking. That's all."

Ellie gave me her 'I know there's more to it than that' look.

"Casey was just. . . being his usual self and he happened to _actually _make a valid point."

"And that is?"

"That I'm eventually gonna have to tell Chuck that I'm pregnant." I whispered.

"I've thought about that as well. He needs to know. Just tell him gently, in a way that he'll understand. For all you know it could help him regain his memory."

That was something I hadn't thought about. Dr. Faraday said familiar phrases, places and images could help him remember.

Maybe telling Chuck would be a _good_ thing.

"You have a point. I think I'm gonna tell him tonight." I sighed.

"You don't have to rush it. Wait until an opportune time."

"I can't wait too long though. I mean it _is_ gonna be pretty obvious soon."

"True." Ellie nodded, as she went back to cooking.

.....................

Whenever we pulled Chuck away from the Nintendo, we sat down to eat. Chuck seemed to devour his macaroni and cheese in record time.

"You cook really good Ellie. It's better than the time you tried to make muffins. Ugh." Chuck shuddered.

"Muffins?" Devon and I inquired at the same time.

"Yeah, well I was about eleven and I had some friends coming over and so I decided to _try _to make muffins and it didn't end so well. They turned out. . . well by the time I remembered that they were in the oven they looked like rocks."

"They _tasted_ like rocks." Chuck still seemed horrified at the thought.

"Wow."

"Needless to say I have come a _long _way in my culinary adventures."

"Remind me to never ask you to make muffins, babe." Devon said. Ellie slapped him on the shoulder but then they kissed.

Chuck seemed disgusted.

"Ellie can you get me some more food, please?" Chuck asked trying to break up the kiss.

"Sure Chuck." She pulled away from Devon and walked into the kitchen.

I never thought about how strange it would be for Chuck to see Ellie with a husband. He'd probably never even seen her with a boyfriend.

There was an awkward silence at the table, which was broken quickly by Chuck.

"My chest hurts." He said rubbing the spot where he'd been shot.

I stood up and walked to Chuck's side of the table.

"Want me to take a look at it?" I asked putting my hand on his shoulder.

"I can do that if you want me to Sarah." Devon offered kindly.

"No it's okay I'll do it. But thank you for the offer Devon."

"Anytime." Devon said returning to his meal.

I walked with Chuck back to his room.

"Can you take off your shirt for me?"

"Mmhmm." He nodded. I walked into the bathroom to get all the supplies I would need to change the dressing on Chuck's wound after I made sure the sutures were fine.

I returned to the bedroom and found Chuck sitting on the bed, shirtless.

It was extremely hard to see him shirtless, but I knew had to fight off any attraction I had for him, so I could take care of him. Because _my_ Chuck was very different from the boy that I know now, and he needed someone to take care of him.

"Okay Chuck, I'm gonna need you to lay down." I walked over and sat the medical supplies on the bottom of the bed.

"What are you gonna do?" Chuck wasn't very good, at all, about dealing with pain. That is one thing that hasn't changed since he was eight years old.

"Don't worry Chuck, I'm just gonna take off the bandages, make sure that everything is nice and clean, not infected or anything, and then I'm gonna put more bandages on and then we'll be done. Doesn't sound too hard does it?"

"Not really." Chuck said nervously.

I put my hand on his warm cheek. . . "I'll take care of you Chuck." _Even if you don't remember me. _ "You don't need to be afraid." I promised.

"Okay. . . Let's get this over with." He grinned.

I took off the bandages and he winced.

"Sorry."

The sutures looked perfectly fine, which was a relief. I began cleaning around them and Chuck grimaced.

"Why does it hurt so much?" He said, obviously fighting tears.

"Well there isn't anything wrong with the sutures or anything so it's probably just the fact that you are really sore from the injury. I can give you some more medicine if you want. What you took earlier is probably starting to wear off."

"That'd be nice." Chuck forced a smile, while a few tears escaped.

I put some fresh bandages on his chest and he sat up and wiped his eyes.

"Remind me not to get shot again."

"I'll make sure that doesn't happen."

..........................

_A/N, and again I say, please read and review. :D _


	11. An opportune time

.......................

"_. . .He needs to know. Just tell him gently, in a way that he'll understand. For all you know it could help him regain his memory."_

After changing Chuck's gauze (as well as my own) we went into the living room to watch TV. Chuck was quite interested in some show on G4 but around eleven o'clock he started yawning.

"Chuck do you want to go to bed?" I asked, putting my hand on his shoulder.

"No, it's fine."

"Chuck we can DVR this show if that's what your worried about." Ellie suggested.

"DVR?"

"We can record the show."

"Ellie you don't even have a VHS player."

"Don't worry about that Chuck, it'll be taken care of." Ellie smiled.

"Now come on Chuck lets go to bed, you need your rest." I said standing up off the couch.

"Okay." Chuck yawned in compliance.

"Good night Ellie." Chuck walked over to Ellie and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too Chuck, go get some rest. Sweet dreams." She replied.

"Night Devon." Chuck said walking over to Devon, who embraced him.

"Night bro."

We walked into his bedroom together and got ready for bed.

"Are you gonna stay with me tonight Sarah? I don't want you to have to sleep on the floor again." He asked putting on his night clothes.

"I'll be fine Chuck." I smiled. "But thanks again."

"The truth is. . . I don't like sleeping alone in this big bed. And I'd normally get in bed with Ellie but she's married to Devon now and that would be weird." Chuck's pleading eyes were too much.

"I'll stay as long as you need me to." I replied. Chuck's smiled widely, his perfect white teeth showing.

I went into the bathroom and changed into shorts and a t-shirt and went into the bedroom.

Chuck was already laying on his side of the bed, reading a comic book.

"You ready for bed now?" He asked.

"Mmhmm." I said as I got into the bed beside of him.

It wasn't until this moment that I realized just how badly I missed _my _Chuck. I would do anything for him to remember it all. To remember me and _our_ life and _our_ baby.

Since the day I had my first doctor visit I'd carried my first ultrasound picture in my pocket. It had made everything seem more real.

"Hey Chuck, can I show you something?"

"Sure. . . This isn't gonna be one of those flashes is it? Because if you're gonna show me something that makes me flash, I don't want to see it." Chuck said nervously.

"No Chuck." I smiled. "This is just a normal picture."_ A picture that if I'm lucky will trigger your memory. _"It might help you remember some stuff."

"Okay." He smiled.

I gave him the ultrasound photo and he inspected it carefully.

"Remember anything?"

"No. . . Sorry." I sighed. Well at least I had tried. "Uh. . . What _is _this Sarah? Because all I see are, um, squiggly lines."

I smiled."Chuck, this is a picture of. . . of a baby."

"It doesn't look like a baby at all really. Whose baby _is _this."

"It's mine." I said softly.

"Oh. You mean you have a baby?"

"Actually I'm _having _a baby."

"There's a baby _inside _of you right now?"

"Mmhmm."

Okay so the easy part was over. . . Maybe he wouldn't ask me who it's dad was I mean he's eight years old so maybe he won't care. Right?

"Wait, if you're the mom than who is the dad? Because babies have a mommy and a daddy."

Wrong.

"Yeah Chuck. The daddy is. . ." _If I said 'you' I could almost guarantee he would freak out._ ". . . The daddy is my boyfriend."

"But you said I'm your boyfriend. Right?"

"Mmhmm."

"So you're saying. . . I'm gonna be a daddy?" At first he smiled in disbelief but then he went into panic mode. . .

"Sarah, I don't know anything about being a dad and I know I'm supposed to be twenty eight but I'm not and. . . "

"Chuck it's okay, Calm down." I said putting my finger on his lips. "You don't need to worry about any of that okay? We'll get your memory back soon and then everything will be alright."

_I wasn't so sure of that myself. Would everything turn out all right? The father of my child is only a child himself mentally. _. .

"Are you mad because I don't remember?"

_Yes Chuck, I'm furious. I'm furious for you. You don't deserve this. You didn't deserve to get hurt and I didn't deserve to get saved by you. . . _

"No Chuck, I'm not mad at you. It's not your fault." _All of this is my fault. _

"Good. I didn't want you to be mad at me." He smiled. "But what do I do now?"

"Nothing Chuck. You just worry about getting better."

"Are you sure I don't need to do anything?"

"Yeah Chuck. It's fine." _You don't have to be the one looking out for me anymore. _

Chuck's eyes showed his exhaustion and I knew he needed his sleep.

"You should go to bed now. We have a busy day tomorrow."

"Yeah okay. . .Sarah."

"Yeah Chuck?"

"I'm sorry. For everything."

Chuck was so sweet, and innocent. I almost regretted telling him. An eight year old boy doesn't need to find out that he's going to be a father. Maybe Ellie was wrong, and telling Chuck was a bad thing. . .

"It's okay Chuck, you didn't do anything." I put my hand on his warm cheek.

"Okay." He said quietly. He quit fighting sleep and closed his eyes. . .

"I'll see you in the morning. I love you." He said in the same way he had told Ellie goodnight. I knew that eight year old Chuck didn't have the same feelings for me as he did before, but I still loved him just as much.

I didn't really expect Chuck to say "I love you" when he told me goodnight, so he caught me off guard, and I was unsure how I should respond.

"Mmhmm, I, um, love you too Chuck. Good night." I replied with some awkwardness in my voice.

Chuck was fast asleep. And I soon joined him. I fell asleep on his chest. The way he held me in his sleep gave me some assurance that _my _Chuck was still in there somewhere. . .

.......................

_A/N_ _I know someone is bound to mention this so before I get this in a review I'll address it. _

_"Why did Chuck say I love you?" or "Chuck saying I love you was weird." _

_Let me explain, Chuck was just saying ILY like in his usual bedtime routine. He didn't think anything of it in a BF/GF kind of way, he was being purely innocent about it. _

_And also, sorry if I can't respond to every review, I'm getting behind in a lot of stuff so I don't have enough time to reply but let me tell you, I read and appreciate every review and consider everything you say, so please, _

_R&R_


	12. Scolded and defended

_A/N: You guys have waited long enough, and I was going to wait for another author to post up his story but he seems to be taking longer than normal (isn't that right Waffleman? ;) )  
_

_I know some of you aren't fans of flashbacks, so you've been warned, this chapter has a flashback._

.......

_I wasn't so sure of that myself. Would everything turn out all right? The father of my child is only a child himself mentally. _. .

I woke up at about seven o'clock to the sound of Chuck mumbling in his sleep. I had no idea what he was saying, but I was pretty sure I'd heard my name a few times.

I laid beside Chuck, watching him enjoy his last few minutes of peaceful sleep. I ran my fingers through his soft mess of curls and rested my hand on his cheek which was covered in three days growth of a beard.

I pulled my hand away slowly, not wanting to rob him of the rest I knew he needed.

I couldn't make myself leave the bed, because I was afraid that he would wake up and think I had left him.

Finally, at around nine o'clock, he woke up.

"'Morning Sarah."

"Good morning Chuck. Did you sleep well?"

"Mmhmm.. Did you like sleeping in this bed?"

"Yeah it was nice."

"And a hundred times better than the floor right?" He said sitting up quickly.

Chuck stretched his long arms toward the ceiling and put his feet on the floor. He put his hand over his mouth to muffle a yawn and pulled his hand away slowly.

"Sarah, why is my face prickly?" He asked warily.

"Because you are twenty eight years old and you need to shave." I smiled.

"Um. . . Okay?"

"Don't worry I'll help you. Come on." I said getting out of the bed and bringing him to the bathroom.

As we walked, I noticed that Chuck had a distant look on his face.

"Chuck are you okay?" I asked hopping up to sit on the bathroom sink.

"What? Oh yeah, um, I'm fine. Just thinking." He said.

"Thinking about what, Chuck? You can tell me anything."

"Yeah I know. But don't worry I'm fine. . .It's just I've been thinking about last night."

"Chuck I told you that you didn't have anything to worry about."

"I know you said that but. . . it's just that now I know that my dad left me and Ellie and I don't want to do that because even though I don't remember that happening, the idea of it happening makes me sad. And I wouldn't want anyone to be _that_ sad because they don't have a dad. Especially if _I _am the dad." Chuck said with a sigh.

"Chuck. . . " I ran my hand through his hair. ". . . Your dad left to protect you and Ellie, and he still loves you. But even still, you don't have to worry about leaving your kids like he left you. You're a better guy than that Chuck." _And you're going to make a great father. _

Chuck smiled weakly. "Thanks Sarah." He said, shyly accepting my compliment.

I smiled back at him and his mood seemed to lighten.

"So, does shaving hurt?"

"Not if you are very careful. But I'm going to do it for you that way you don't hurt yourself."

"Will _you _be careful?" He asked with a mix of playfulness and fear.

"Yeah Chuck, I won't hurt you, I promise."

And I stayed true to my word. He made it through his first experience with shaving without even a hint of razor burn.

After we got ready for the rest of the day we walked out into the kitchen.

Ellie had apparently made waffles because there was already food waiting at the dining room table, and a note in the center of the table.

_We both got called into an early shift, _

_you guys can eat our breakfast. - Ellie _

"I love waffles!" Chuck smiled.

I heated up the waffles in the microwave and then we both sat down to eat.

Halfway into breakfast my phone went off. I opened it and went to my text message inbox.

_If you aren't at my place in 5 minutes_

_Beckman is going to kill us both. Personally. _

Even Casey's text messages had the same annoying quips.

"Chuck, I have to go next door for about fifteen minutes you think you'll be okay here alone?"

"Can't I just come with you?"

"I don't think you'll enjoy it. I'll let you finish watching that show on G4 and you can finish your breakfast. I'll be back before you know it."

"I've never stayed alone before."

"Don't worry Chuck, I'll be right next door."

"Okay." He sighed, continuing to eat his breakfast.

I turned on the TV and turned on the G4 show he had been watching and I walked over to Casey's apartment and knocked on the door.

"Get in here before Beckman decides to chime in again." Casey growled.

I opened the door and walked into his apartment.

"Beckman wants an official debriefing on the last mission. Which means that you're gonna have to tell her about Bartowski's 'sensitive condition'" Casey said.

"Casey would you just. . . " And I was interrupted by the monotonous greeting by General Beckman.

"Agent Walker, Major Casey, it's nice to _finally _see you."

"We're sorry for the delay ma'am."

"It's just that we've been busy because of. . . "

"I don't have time for another one of your excuses Agent Walker. I want to hear _exactly _what happened on the mission. _Now_."

"General, the mission was going as planned until we were out manned and out gunned by Agent Haun's well hidden backup. We had no indication that he had any more agents on the field. We did our best to protect Chuck, we had even sent him _back_ to the van but he came to protect, well um, me."

"You? And why exactly would he do that Agent Walker?" She was only asking that question because she already knew the answer. She had found out all of _our_ secrets.

I decided to ignore the question and continue. "Agent Haun fired his weapon at me, but Chuck jumped in the way, taking a bullet to the left side of his chest. Agent Haun fired off two more shots, one was a miss and the other grazed my arm."

"And what is the asset's _current_ status?" She asked, taking off her glasses and leaning forward.

"The doctors did great work at patching up the bullet wound but his mental state was affected. Chuck apparently was so greatly traumatized that he suffered severe post-traumatic stress and as a coping mechanism he reverted to the mindset of a child. The Intersect however, is still intact and functional."

"You mean to tell me that _our_ Intersect is trapped in the mind of an adolescent?!"

"Yes ma'am, but there isn't much to worry about there because 'adult Chuck' really isn't much different." Casey grunted.

"Anything else you feel like sharing Agent Walker? Or do I have to find _everything_ out through reliable sources?"

"That's everything we have on the mission. As you know, Haun and his goons are in custody, nothing else to worry about." Was Casey _actually_ trying to _help_ me avoid answering the General's questions?

"I wasn't referring to the mission Major Casey. We are all well aware of what has been going on with Agent Walker and the Intersect. And we are all aware of her current condition. You may be proud that it has taken me this long to find out about everything, Agent, but your deception just adds more to the case against you as his handler."

"General. . . "

"Sarah, despite the fact that she has crossed some major handler/asset lines, she still hasn't endangered Chuck in any way."

"Except for the fact that _he _took a bullet for her and their unborn _fetus_." She spat the last word out of her mouth like it was poison. _Fetus. _Our unborn _baby _was more than that. So much more.

"I'm still convinced she's the best handler the CIA has got." Casey offered in my defense.

"I want updates on Mr. Bartowski's condition _every day. _And I expect that you can at least obey _that _order." And the screen went to black.

"Told you she was in a bad mood." Casey snorted.

"Thank you for standing up for me Casey."

"Uh. . . Don't expect it to happen again Walker." Casey said gruffly.

"I'll take that as a 'you're welcome'"

Casey rolled his eyes. "Just so you know, I wasn't the one who squealed about you and Bartowski's baby. She just has a way of finding things out."

"I know." Honestly I had figured that Casey would have reported me to Beckman the second he found out, and I was confused as to why he _didn't_. "I better get back to Chuck. He doesn't like being over there alone."

Casey smirked. "Yeah, I have things to do anyways." I swear this man is not a human. John Casey is a robot.

I walked back over to the apartment, my mind still reeling over the conversation with Beckman. . .

....................................

A few months earlier.

I looked into his green and brown eyes as he gave me his most pleading look. A look that could melt the coldest of hearts I was sure. Chuck Bartowski had a certain way of doing that to people.

"Just hear me out Sarah, I have a plan."

"Okay. What is it?" I asked giving him a cup of frozen yogurt.

"So this is probably gonna be one of those times you freak out and tell me that my plan will never work, or that I'm crazy or something but just listen." He said.

I could tell he was anxious because of how he was running his words together.

"Just say it Chuck." I smiled.

"Okay. I think that after the other night, we've kinda passed the point of no return. I mean we both know we love each other. And even though we can't always say it, we know that it's true.

"And the truth is, Sarah after whats happened between us I can't pretend I don't love you. I can't sit around and wait for when I get the Intersect out of my head. I love you _now_, and I want to be with you _now_."

"Chuck. . ." Our unique relationship seemed to always have a new level of complication.

"Wait, I'm just getting to the good part. I know we can't _really _be together now outside of our cover, but what if our fake relationship cover wasn't fake? If we _act_ like our romance is only a cover than we can actually be together, and no one will know.

"Not Casey, Not Beckman. Not anyone. Just us. It could be our secret. If there is one thing we are good at it's keeping secrets." Chuck smiled.

I couldn't help but to smile back at him. "How exactly did you come up with this plan?"

"Lots of determination." He smiled.

I briefly kissed his soft warm lips. "Well. . . I like this plan Chuck."

_Now nothing, not even law could stop us from being together. Because no matter what, my heart will always belong to Chuck Bartowski. _

...............................

_A/N, This flashback takes place a couple of days after Chuck and Sarah hooked up for the first time. _

_R&R please_


	13. An appointment with Dr Morgan

_A/N Ah, what the heck, lets upload two chapters in one day. _

...........................

_Now nothing, not even the law, could stop us from being together. Because no matter what, my heart will always belong to Chuck Bartowski. . . _

I walked back into the apartment and found Chuck, sitting on the couch, mesmerized by the G4 showcase of the Iphone.

"Hey Chuck, I'm back."

"Hey." He mumbled, still captivated by the TV. When the show finally went to commercial he turned around to face me.

"Sorry. This is just so cool."

"It's okay Chuck." I smiled and sat beside of him.

Chuck still seemed distant, like he had first thing this morning. I was really starting to regret telling him about the baby in the first place. The last thing he needed right now was another point of stress, and that is exactly what I had given him.

And what upsets me the most is that I know for a fact what is bothering him, and I can't get him to talk to me about it, so I can't fix it.

Chuck needs someone to talk to. And I know exactly who he'll open up to.

"Chuck, what would you think about having Morgan over for lunch?"

"That'd be awesome! He said the other day that he was going to teach me how to play this game, um what did he call it? Oh yeah, Call of Duty." Chuck said, his bright smile lighting up the room

I seriously didn't know if I could find one thing about Chuck I didn't love.

The thing is, I love eight year old Chuck just as much.

And even though he doesn't love me the same way he did before, I can't think of letting that change how I feel about him.

Because he'll always be _my _Chuck. No matter what.

"So, do you want to call him or should I?" I asked.

"I'll call him. Where is the phone?"

"Hang on. . . ." I went into his room and got his Iphone. I gave it to him and upon holding it for the first time, his eyes became as big as dinner plates.

"I have an _Iphone?!" _

................................

"This food is fantastic Sarah!" "Yeah it's amazing!" Morgan and Chuck exclaimed with mouths full of food.

"Guys, they are just a couple of sandwiches."

"Sarah, you don't understand. Sandwiches are an important part of our lives. They should be an important part of everyone's life, if you ask me." Morgan said, defending their strange sandwich obsession. "Agreed Chuck?"

"Totally." He said. "The right amount of meat and cheese and mayo."

"Dude, you can't forget the tomato or this fantastic whole grain bread. This is awesome!"

Chuck and Morgan high-fived each other and then continued eating.

"Well, I'm going to let you guys get to your scheduled Call of Duty time and I'll be back in a few. . . " I was going to say minutes but the look Morgan and Chuck gave me made me end my sentence with, ". . . Hours."

............................

Lunch was at one o'clock. They hadn't stopped playing Xbox since one fifteen, and it was almost four.

I walked over to Chuck's door, hoping that I wouldn't be interrupting an important conversation between them. Or rather, hoping that Chuck had opened up to Morgan and there _would_ be an important conversation to interrupt.

I cracked open the door quietly and looked in just as they had turned off the Xbox.

"See I told you it was awesome." Morgan said, putting up the Xbox controllers.

"Yeah you're right. . . Um, Morgan can I talk to you about something?" Chuck asked quietly.

"Sure buddy, anything." Morgan sat on the bed beside of Chuck. They were facing the window so I couldn't see either of their faces but I could still hear what they were saying. . .

"Well. . . It's just, something's been bothering me all day. Well since last night."

"What is it?"

"Last night, Sarah was talking with me before we went to bed. She showed me a picture, she said it might help me remember, but it didn't. Really it confused me even more. She says she's gonna have a baby. And then she said it was her boyfriends baby. Morgan I am her boyfriend!

"Sarah is having _my _baby. Morgan, I'm _eight_! I know I'm supposed to be a grown up, but I'm not. And I really want to remember now because _I'm_ gonna be a dad. Morgan _I_ can't be a _dad_. At least not right _now_. _I don't even know where babies come from_!" Chuck sounded like he was going to hyperventilate.

I really had caused Chuck a great deal of stress last night. I feel so _guilty_.

"Buddy, seriously you gotta calm down." Morgan said putting his arm around Chuck's shoulder. "You don't have _anything _to worry about. We'll worry about getting you back to your, um, _older_ self and you just worry about, ya know, kid stuff."

"You see, Sarah said the same thing, 'you don't have anything to worry about' but I have lots of stuff to worry about! I can't remember anything, Sarah is having my baby, that I don't remember, and apparently I grew up to be a superhero! I think I have _a lot _to worry about." Chuck said putting his head on Morgan's shoulder.

I could hear the sound of Chuck crying and it was killing me, because I felt responsible for his distress.

"I really don't know what I'm supposed to do Morgan. I am not a grown up, and I'm not a dad. I'm just a kid."

"It's okay buddy." Morgan said rubbing Chuck's shoulder. "We'll figure everything out. And I know you don't believe me, or Sarah for that matter, when we say this, but _you _don't need to worry. Though, I can think of one very important thing you need to do."

"What?" Chuck asked looking at Morgan.

"You need to talk to Sarah about all of this."

"I'm just afraid to, ya know? She's. . . She's my first girlfriend and she's really nice and pretty and I don't want to make her upset. And I don't know what'd I'd say if I _did _talk to her, Morgan."

So the reason that Chuck wouldn't talk to me is because he was afraid of making _me_ upset. He didn't want to push me away. . . I could guarantee one thing. Nothing could make me leave him behind.

The biggest thing I've learned so far about eight-year-old Chuck continuously amazes me. . . He almost never thinks of himself.

"Yeah I know man. But I don't think you have to worry about that. Actually I think she'll be glad if you tell her how you feel." Dr. Morgan PhD gets it right. . . _Again_.

"I guess. I'll _try_ to talk to her later. . . .Maybe."

"Come on buddy. . . "

"Okay I _will_ talk to her later."

"See I knew you had it in ya!" Morgan patted Chuck on the back and Chuck wiped his eyes.

"Let's get out of here."

I hurried away from the door and went to the kitchen to get them something to drink. . . To make it look like I hadn't been listening in on their conversation.

"Grape soda on the rocks!" Morgan exclaimed as I turned around carrying two glasses of grape soda. "My favorite."

"Still?" Chuck asked.

"Dude, it doesn't get better than grape soda." Morgan said taking his drink out of my hand.

"Thanks Sarah." They both said.

"My pleasure." I smiled. . .

........................

Morgan left around six o'clock and Chuck seemed to be less distant than before, though now he was acting nervous around me. I guess he was worried about talking to me.

Around ten o'clock Chuck started getting tired.

"Ready for bed Chuck? It's been a long day."

"Yeah." He said nodding his head. "How long do you think it'll be until Ellie and Devon get home?"

"It could be a while longer. I'm sure they'll be home when you wake up though."

"Oh okay." He said as we went to get ready for bed.

Once we were ready we both got into bed, on our respective sides of the bed, and laid down.

I was convinced that Chuck would fall fast asleep which is why I was startled by hearing his voice about five minutes after we had gotten in bed.

"Hey Sarah, are you awake?"

"Yeah. . . Why, is everything okay?" I asked turning over.

"I wanted to know if I could talk to you about some stuff."

...............................

_A/N, Yes I did just leave you with that cliffy :D_

_BTW: I know it wasn't necessarily cool to have Sarah spy on that convo, but in POV work, to get this scene I had to have Sarah hear Morgan and Chuck talking.  
_

_R&R or I'll withold the next chapter. **JK**, or am I? . . .  
_


	14. Q&A

_A/N, again, flashback warning. _

..................

"_I wanted to know if I could talk to you about some stuff.". . . _

"Sure Chuck, anything. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I've just been wondering about some things since last night." Chuck said shyly, as he sat back up in the bed.

"Like what?" I asked, sitting up beside of him.

"Well for one, um, ahem." Chuck cleared his throat nervously. "Well, seeing I'm going to be a dad and all I was kinda wondering, um, where do babies come from?"

"Oh, um, okay." How do you tell the father of your baby where babies come from? I am pretty sure I am the only woman who has ever struggled with this situation.

"This is going to be weird for you isn't it?" Chuck sighed. "Just forget it. It's okay."

"No Chuck, it's not that, it's just I was trying to think of a good way to answer, that's all."

"Oh, okay."

"When a man and a woman love each other very much, they um. . . " Trying to find words he would understand was difficult to say the least. And it's not that Chuck isn't smart enough to understand, but it's just an awkward conversation to have with your eight year old boyfriend.

". . .They um, decide that they love each other so much that they want to give each other a very special gift. And what could be more special to give each other than a baby right?"

Chuck smiled. "Yeah I think a baby _is _kind of a big deal. It must have cost a lot of money too, because something that special has to be expensive."

I couldn't help but smile at Chuck's simple-mindedness.

"So, don't the mom and dad have to be married? Because you said we're only boyfriend and girlfriend." Chuck asked, continuing his questions.

"Well, it usually helps, but sometimes they don't have to be. The mom and dad just have to love each other."

"Well I must have loved you a whole lot if I wanted to give you a baby."

"Yeah, you did." I sighed.

"Is it weird for you to talk to me because I'm, um, like this?"

"No." I said softly.

"You miss normal-me don't you?"

"Yeah, I do. But I like this you too. You're a good guy Chuck."

Chuck's cheeks turned a warm shade of rose. "Thanks. And I like you too Sarah." He smiled.

I smiled.

"Can I ask you another question?"

"Sure Chuck."

"Does it feel weird to um, have a baby inside of you?" Chuck, always the empath.

"Not really. I mean it's different, but I wouldn't say weird."

"So, is the baby the reason you threw up the other day? Because you acted really weird when I asked why you got sick."

"Yeah, kinda. You noticed I was acting weird?"

"Yeah I notice a lot of things about you. Like how you don't like black olives, or that you are very pretty, and that your cheeks get red when I tell you things that I like about you."

"You do notice a lot of things don't you?"

"Yeah. But I mean, you're my first girlfriend, so I want to make sure I pay attention to the things you like, so I don't get in the _doghouse_. Ellie would say that dad was in the doghouse when dad and mom would argue. It was usually because he didn't pay attention to something she'd said."

So that's why Chuck- both the eight year old _and _the twenty-eight year old- was so observant of my likes and dislikes.

"So, any other questions?"

"I can think of a few actually."

"Like what?"

"Um, like, Do you think you'll have the baby before I remember?"

There was something I hadn't thought about. Well I had tried not to think about since my nightmare.

The little boy Chuck holding the baby. . . What if Chuck didn't regain his memory? What if I was going to have to take care of our baby _and _it's father.

"I don't know Chuck." I said, hoping his next question would be a subject change.

"Oh okay. . So, can you _feel _the baby?"

"Not yet really. Though from what I've been reading I should in about a month or so."

"Cool. So how big is the baby?"

"Actually, you have an app on your Iphone that says how big the baby is. You bought it as soon as you found out you were gonna be a dad."

Chuck had been so excited even though we were definitely stressed over the timing of the situation. He would check his Iphone everyday. At the time I thought it was silly, but now I saw it as probably one of the sweetest (and geekiest) things Chuck had ever done.

"Awesome." Chuck smiled.

And Chuck had plenty more questions to ask, and I enjoyed answering every one of them. Even the awkward ones.

But when we finally decided to go to sleep, I still had one question on my mind, that I had no answer for. . .

_How much longer would Chuck be a little boy?. . . _

_.........................._

A few months earlier.

I nervously walked back and forth across my apartment. Three minutes of waiting. Three minutes of panic.

Three minutes until the results of the pregnancy test showed up.

I felt selfish, standing there praying for negative test results. Because I had always wanted this. The perfect life, the perfect family, the perfect man. But at this point that perfection was unattainable.

I could lose my job, I could lose Chuck. . . I could lose _everything _if the results were positive.

Those three minutes finally passed and I walked over to look at the pregnancy test. . .

Positive.

It could be a false positive, so I took two more tests. Still positive.

I could wish that it wasn't true, but it didn't change a thing. I was pregnant.

Pregnant with Chuck's baby. That thought actually brought a smile to my face.

Despite the fact that this breaks every handler/asset rule, despite the fact that Beckman will probably- no, most definitely- remove me from the assignment if she finds out (and if I have anything to do with it, she won't know for a _long _time), despite the fact that I'm still a CIA agent and Chuck _is _still the Intersect. . .

Part of us will always be together, because I am having _Chuck's _baby.

It's times like this when I _hate _the fact that I have to live by CIA rules. The CIA has done a lot of good things for me, they _did _keep me from the life my father had set up for me, but the CIA seemed to know exactly how to make my life miserable.

So even though I want to be happy right now, I can't help being angry.

And I was completely conflicted as I headed off to work at the Orange Orange. And even though I didn't want to think about my current situation, I couldn't avoid the mass chaos erupting in my brain. What am I going to say to Chuck? I didn't even want to try and think of that.

Above all others, I had one question weighing heavy on my mind that had no answer. . .

What am I going to do now?

..............................

_A/N So what do you think? Should I have done anything different? Let me know, Read and review! :D _


	15. A few true things

_A/N, nothing else around here seems to have been updated in a while so I figured I would, this chapters a little short but **hopefully** the quality outweighs the quantity. :D _

...............................

_How much longer would Chuck be a little boy?. . ._

It had been fourteen days since Chuck woke up in the hospital. Still no change.

It was startling how much I had gotten used to being around Chuck in his current state of mind. And that fact made me miss the Chuck I know all the more.

I had tried getting back to life as it was before, but being with Chuck seemed far more important than the Orange Orange.

"_You have a cover to maintain agent Walker. We don't need people getting suspicious." _Beckman had informed me after I told her that it might be best if I stayed with Chuck instead of working at the CIA yogurt shop.

So here I was, cleaning off the counter at the completely vacant Orange Orange while Chuck was at Buymore with Morgan.

The only activity in the empty yogurt shop is the chaos inside of my own head.

I try my best not to think about the CIA, and how much trouble I was in at the moment, with my superiors, but I couldn't fully escape my dilemma. _You can't bend rules without consequences. _I could hear the whispers of a long deceased Langston Graham in my ear.

It wasn't bending rules though, I was breaking rules. Having a baby with _the_ _asset_.

And when my thoughts weren't on the Chuck or the CIA, they were on the baby.

Because the one thing I have in this life that I know is true and cannot change, is that this baby is _ours. _Something completely Chuck and me, no rules, no secrets, just that one true fact.

I heard the bell on the door chime softly as the door opened. "See you later buddy." Morgan said as Chuck walked into the Orange Orange and Morgan made his way back to the Buymore.

"Hey Sarah." Chuck's smile brightened up the empty store. I hadn't seen him all day, and I realized how much I had missed _this _Chuck.

"Hey." I said, not noticing I had been smiling since he had walked into the store.

"So, how has work been? It looks boring."

"Thats because it is."

"Oh. So, how did the doctor visit thingy go this morning?" Chuck said leaning on the counter.

"It was fine. Actually I have a new picture if you want to see."

Chuck's smile widened even further. "Awesome. I mean, of course I want to see." He exclaimed. His excitement was more like a big-brother-to-be than a proud father-to-be, but it was still adorable.

"Awesome." He repeated when he looked at the photo I handed him.

"The baby has gotten a lot bigger since the last time I had an ultrasound."

"Yeah I guess it has, hasn't it? But Ellie was talking and said that she could tell that it had gotten bigger because you're getting to be a little, um, rounder." Chuck said awkwardly.

"Yeah." I sighed. "So, I have some news but you have to tell me if you want to know or not."

"Sure tell me. . . Wait what is it?"

"Today I found out if the baby is going to be a boy or a girl, and I wanted to know if you want to know."

"Yeah!"

"Well they weren't sure if they'd be able to tell this ultrasound or not so after they did the regular ultrasound they did a 3d ultrasound and. . . "

"Just tell me, I can't wait." Chuck said, bouncing on his toes in nervous excitement.

"It's a boy." _Our boy. _

"This is so cool! I've gotta tell Morgan. And John!"

"_Casey? _" I had made sure that they hadn't came in contact.

Twenty-eight year old Chuck had enough trouble dealing with Casey, I didn't even want to think about eight year old Chuck with Casey.

"Yeah, John Casey from Buymore. We talked while me and him and Morgan ate lunch. He's really cool. But he started talking about the spy stuff and I didn't know if I was allowed to talk with him about it. Does he know?"

"Yeah Chuck, Casey works with us. He's NSA."

"Does he have a gun?"

"Casey has more guns than I do." I nodded. Chuck shuddered.

"He should come over later so we all can talk. He was really nice."

"Sure Chuck. He can come over." I smiled lost in thought.

There were two things I was certain of. . .

_One_, John Casey is not a 'nice' guy and, _two_, I was going to have a serious talk with Casey.

..............................

_A/N, The pace is gonna pick up some after this next chaper, because we only have 6 more chapters. And I really hope you guys stay tuned because believe me, the best is yet to come :D _

_R&R please, as always :D  
_


	16. Dinner with the beast

_A/N, This one is a little longer, there are only 5 more, so I'm spacing them out a little bit. Enjoy! _

.............................

_There were two things I was certain of. . . One, John Casey is not a 'nice' guy_

_and, two, I was going to have a serious talk with Casey. . . _

After we left the Orange Orange, I called Casey and asked him to come over for dinner so we could talk. Of course I got a grunted _"Whatever, Walker."_ In response.

"Casey is coming over for dinner." I sighed pulling into the driveway of Ellie and Awesome's apartment.

"Cool." Chuck said, getting out of the car and walking hastily to the door.

I had no idea what had Chuck in such a rush to get inside, but I found out a few seconds after we had went into the apartment.

"Ellie, guess what?" He said with excitement in his voice.

"What is it Chuck?" Ellie asked standing up from the couch. She looked worried.

"Don't freak out sis, it's nothing bad." He smiled. "First, I have a friend coming over for dinner, You know John Casey right?"

"Yeah Chuck, you guys are friends. What else did you want to tell me?"

"Oh yeah, Sarah found out that she's gonna have a boy." Chuck said calmly, with a huge smile still on his face.

Ellie's reaction was anything _but _calm. . .

She walked over and embraced Chuck and then me.

"Oh my gosh this is so incredible! Now you can think up names and start buying clothes and. . . " It was while she was talking that I realized that Chuck – well _my _Chuck at least – had missed out on finding out the sex of our baby.

It was an important thing, finding out that our first child was going to be a boy, and _my _Chuck didn't get to be here for it.

". . . And now we know what colors to paint the nursery and. . ."

"Um, Ellie. . . " Saying her name was enough to stop her excited rambling. (She and Chuck had that in common. When they get excited they tend to talk. _A lot._ And really fast too)

"Sorry, it's just that this is so. . . _Awesome_." And while she was a lot like Chuck, she was growing to be more and more like her husband, every day.

...........................

It was Seven-fifteen when Casey showed up. Chuck answered the door.

"Hey John. Hows it going?"

"I told you to call me Casey." He grinned awkwardly. This Casey was a lot like Casey when he was undercover, trying to act human. He never really succeeds at that.

"Okay. Casey, how's it going?"

"Fine. I brought some quiche to go with dinner."

"What's a quiche?"

"It's a finger food mor. . . " _Moron. _ "Morgan loves quiche."

"Smooth." I mouthed to Casey as they turned toward the dining room.

He growled and Chuck turned around looking somewhat freaked out. Casey's fake plastered on smile returned. _That_ was more frightening than the growl.

..............................

Dinner was awkward for those of us who knew Casey's true nature, however Chuck seemed to enjoy his company, which was strange.

"Casey can I talk to you in the other room for a minute?" I asked whenever dinner was over.

"Sure." He said, falsely cordial in front of Chuck. I rolled my eyes as we walked to Chuck's bedroom.

"What is it Walker? It's almost time for dessert." Casey said in his more familiar sarcastic tone of voice.

"Why are you doing this, _acting_ like this? Why are you even around Chuck?"

"Well. . . " He looked like he was carefully thinking out his answer. Either that or he was short on sarcastic remarks. Both options seemed very anti-Casey.

"Well, we both know that you're gonna be out of commission. . ." He looked down at my abdomen and then looked back at me. ". . . Soon. And so I figured that the moron _is _going to need someone to look after him when you can't."

"Wow Casey that's kind of backhandedly sweet."

Casey grunted his response. "Don't get used to it."

"So, what exactly possessed you to _act_ nice?"

"Well you said yourself that half-pint Chuck is very fragile mentally. Didn't want to scare the twerp." Casey was never short on hurtful nicknames for Chuck. "So is that all, Walker? Cause it's time for dessert. And you _sure_ seem like you understand the importance of dessert." He said, once again eyeballing my abdomen.

This time _I _responded with one of Casey's snarls.

Casey rolled his eyes and gruffly mumbled something I couldn't understand.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. It's just weird seeing you all hormonal and. . . pudgy."

I sighed and rolled my eyes as we walked back out to the dining room.

"Sarah, Ellie made molten chocolate cake for dessert." Chuck exclaimed when he saw us return to the dining room.

"Sounds delish." Casey said, using a voice more similar to his usual sarcastic tone.

........................................

When we all sat down in the living room with dessert, Chuck spoke up with a mouth-full of cake.

"So guys, today Sarah found out that the baby is a boy."

Devon, who had just came home from a twenty-two hour shift around dinner time and hadn't heard the news when Chuck told Ellie, had a huge smile cross his face and he had an honest _Devon_ reaction. . . "Awesome." He exclaimed.

Casey however, looked like he had choked on his cake. He cleared his throat and seemed to be struggling for a reaction.

"Um, yeah, what he said. Awesome." I could imagine Casey's reaction if Chuck wasn't in his current state of mind

Chuck's excitement now was kind of hard to react to. His proud big brother attitude when he is supposed to be a proud father, is a strange thing to understand. Because he isn't supposed to be acting like a big brother. He's supposed to be the strong protective father. . .

I guess that's what got us here in the first place. Chuck was doing a fantastic job of being the protective father. And he lost his memory because he was taking care of his family.

"Yeah I know it's really cool." Chuck said with a huge smile on his face.

"Well, um, congrats little bro." Devon said.

"Yeah congrats." Casey agreed.

"Um, thanks." He said, not sure how to react to their compliments.

.........................................

Casey finally left around nine-thirty and the awkwardness of the night left with him.

Devon, who was exhausted, went to bed with Ellie and Chuck and I were left with nothing to do. Chuck wasn't tired yet, so we decided to watch a movie.

_Iron man_. Chuck was interested to see how they had put an awesome comic book into movie format.

When the movie went off, Chuck went through the house raving about the movie like a critic.

"The explosions were awesome, and the suit was awesome. . ." He continued raving while he got ready for bed, ending his review with, "And the acting was cool too I guess."

We both got in bed and I turned off the lamp beside of me. Tonight had gotten me thinking.

I couldn't help but wonder how _my _Chuck would be acting in this situation. Finding out that our baby was a boy. Telling his family and friends. I could imagine that his excitement wouldn't be much different, but the way he displayed it would be.

It's times like this that I miss the Chuck I know, the most.

"Did you like the movie?" Chuck whispered.

"Yeah Chuck. I liked watching the movie with you." It was ironic how Pepper and Tony obviously love each other, but you never see them say it to each other. They more or less show each other. It kinda reminded me of Chuck and my relationship until about a year ago.

Of course earlier this year we had finally found a way to be together, but the plan we had was flawed and I had told him that we should wait to be together. I was starting to regret that decision. . .

We had just gotten together a week before hand when we were almost found out by General Beckman.

We were on his bed talking and had started to kiss when Beckman came onto his TV screen.

The day afterwards, I had called him and asked him to come over to my apartment so we could talk. . .

"_Chuck, what happened last night is exactly the kind of thing that is going to make your 'plan' fail. I don't want to be reassigned and lose you." _

"_I know Sarah. It was stupid. We should have gone to your place." _

"_But Chuck, they'll find out eventually. And we can't _not_ show our feelings until we're out of surveillance. We're both just going to end up getting hurt." _

"_So what are you saying Sarah?" _

"_I'm saying that we can't be together right now. As much as much as I want this to work, we __know it can't. Not like _this_." _The emotion showing in my voice made me feel vulnerable. I didn't want _my_ obvious hurt to make _his_ pain worse.

"_I wish it could have worked. But I still love you." _ Even though Chuck was hurting, he still knew that I was right. . .

Or at least I had thought that I was right, then. Now I regret every word that came out of my mouth that day.

Because I don't have the option to be with him. He's not here anymore. At least not now.

And as soon as he remembers, I'm going to fix my mistake. I'm going to be with him no matter what the risk. . .

"Sarah, did you hear what I just said?" Chuck said bringing me out of my thoughts and back into the moment.

"No, I'm sorry Chuck, I was thinking."

"It's okay. It wasn't important."

"No Chuck. Everything you say is important."

"Oh. Well I just said that you were prettier than Pepper Potts, that's all."

I blushed softly. "Thanks Chuck."

"You're welcome." He yawned. "Good night Sarah. I love you."

"I love you too Chuck. Sleep good."

"I will." Chuck moved down in the bed and kissed my abdomen. "Good night babyboy. I love you, too." Tears stung in my eyes as he whispered. Eight year old Chuck was just as sweet as twenty-eight year old Chuck.

Chuck fell asleep within minutes, and I fell asleep shortly after, to the sound of his gentle rhythmic breathing. . .

......................................

_A/N, R&R please :D  
_

_(Waffleman, SM93Starbuck, this one is dedicated to you guys because I figured that if I did something nice, you guys would update soon haha)_


	17. More questions, more answers

.............................

_Chuck fell asleep within minutes, and I fell asleep shortly after, to the sound of his gentle rhythmic breathing. . . _

I woke up beside his warm body. He had his arms wrapped around me like he used to. It was still dark outside so I knew it was early.

I laid in bed, lost in my thoughts of how things used to be. It seemed like an eternity had passed since the accident. I wasn't sure if Chuck would ever regain his memory, but I couldn't even entertain the idea that he would always be like _this_.

I couldn't tell how much time had passed since I woke up, but soon the sunlight filled the room and brought a glow to his warm olive skin. In all of my CIA travels, I was sure I had never seen a man as beautiful as Chuck Bartowski. . . Well, except for the few ultrasound photos I'd seen of our son.

Another few minutes passed and Chuck opened his eyes.

"Good morning Sarah."

"Good morning Chuck." I smiled.

"What time is it?" He yawned.

"It's almost seven. Why are you awake so early?"

"I have to go to Buymore today. Morgan has to work today and I want to get a chance to tell him about the baby."

"I think it's a bit early to go to Buymore. The store doesn't open until eight-thirty. You can sleep in some more if you want to."

"Oh. Okay." Chuck sighed, closed his eyes and fell back asleep.

.............................

About an hour later we both go out of bed. Around twelve-thirty I went to work at Orange Orange and Chuck spent the afternoon with Morgan at Buymore.

Around six o' clock I got off of work and walked across the street to Buymore.

As I walked through the store trying to find where Chuck and Morgan were, I saw Big Mike, who gestured for me to come into his office.

"Sarah, hows it going?" Big Mike asked nodding for me to sit in the seat in front of his desk.

"Alright I guess. Have you seen Chuck and Morgan?" I found it strange that Big Mike was randomly striking up a conversation with me considering we hardly, if ever, talk.

"Yeah, I gave my boys the home theater room for the day. I couldn't get any better employees than Morgan and Chuck. They are more like family. The store hasn't been the same without Chuck helping out behind the Nerd Herd desk for the past couple of weeks.

Those dimwits Jeff and Lester have had more customer complaints in the past week than Bartowski has his whole time working here."

"Yeah, I'm sorry Chuck hasn't been able to work."

"Oh come on, it's not your fault. I mean, you can't control a drive-by shooting now can you? If there is one thing I've learned in all my years as a Buymore manager it's that, some bad things happen that are beyond our control. Besides, it's kinda nice to see Chuck here and not stressing about the Nerd Herd, and just acting like a kid again." Big Mike saw a strange ray of hope in this situation.

"I say all of this to tell you that I'm not going to take Bartowski off the payroll. Skip Johnson is picking up the slack left behind by those two jokers, Jeff and Lester."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's like I said, Chuck is family. I can't fire him because of something that happened beyond his control." Big Mike smiled.

"Thanks, really."

"Anytime. Besides, how can I cut off the main money supply to a Buymore employee's growing family?"

"How did you know?" If Morgan blabbed, I will use the most painful tactic I know to kill him.

"I've known you and Chuck were having a baby for _months _now."

"How? I mean I just now started showing enough to notice."

"I have a certain _intuition_ when it comes to women."

"Um, okay?"

"Now as great as this _heart to heart _has been, I have some donuts that are calling my name." He said pulling a large box of donuts from underneath his desk.

"Do you like cream filled?"

He opened the box and sighed, looking on them with the same amount of pride that a proud father has when he sees his child for the first time.

"Boston cream with chocolate on top?"

"_Mm mm mm_. Chuck picked a lady with fine taste in pastry." He said standing up from his chair.

After I took Big Mike up on his offer for a donut, I walked into the home theater room where I found Chuck and Morgan playing Call of Duty. Chuck had learned the controls of the Xbox extremely fast.

Chuck and Morgan were so engrossed in their game that they hadn't even realized that I had walked into the room.

After lots of virtual gunfire, Morgan slammed his controller onto the table in front of them and yelled. "How did you beat me? I have played this game for _years_ and you just started_ the other day. _How did you beat me?!" Morgan ranted.

"He's a fast learner Morgan." I said, and they both turned around and saw me.

"Oh, um, hi Sarah." Morgan said, red-faced. "Can we just forget that little hissy fit just happened?"

I had to contain my laughter, and I noticed Chuck holding back a burst of laughter as well.

"All is forgotten." I said. "So, Chuck it's almost seven o'clock, do you want to go get some dinner?"

"Yeah sure." He said, still holding back his laugh. "Thanks for hanging out today Morgan."

"My pleasure buddy. Oh, and I want a rematch." Morgan said as we opened the door to leave the home theater room.

"Okay sure. It's your funeral." Chuck said, sounding a lot like himself. He seems the most like himself when he's in a familiar environment, such as playing games with Morgan.

"Bye Morgan." We said in unison as walked to leave the store.

...................................................

Dinner was In n' Out burger, and of course my burger had extra pickles. Chuck noticed and took all of the pickles off of his burger and gave them to me.

"You like pickles a lot don't you?" He smiled, his bright smile lighting up the room.

"They're my favorite."

"I noticed." He laughed.

When dinner was over we went home to an empty house, yet again.

_**Got called in to another late shift, **_

_**We'll be home late tonight. **_

_**-Ellie and Devon**_

"Ellie works a lot." Chuck sighed.

"Yeah, she is a busy woman."

Chuck nodded. "You want to watch TV?" He asked, sitting down on the couch.

"Sounds like fun."

And after about four hours of G4, we decided it was time for bed.

After going through our nighttime routine, we got in bed.

Even though Chuck had seemed happy the entire night, I could tell he had something on his mind.

"Something you want to talk about, Chuck?"

"Yeah kinda. Being with Morgan today just has me thinking about some stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"What was I like before I lost my memory? I mean, was I nice, was I cool, was I funny?"

"All of that and so much more." I said, putting my hand on his soft warm cheek.

"Was I a good friend?"

"The best. All of your friends, even the, um, _strangest_ ones, look to you for advice and they all love you a lot Chuck."

"Was I a good brother?"

"Chuck I think you are the best brother any sister could ask for. You take good care of Ellie, and you two are very close. You love each other."

Chuck sighed and laid on his back, looking up at the ceiling.

"What is it?"

"It's just. . . I want to be close with Ellie, but it's so weird with her having a job and a _husband_. Plus I think that if I hug her and stuff like we used to it'll embarrass her or something.

"And I mean I'm used to being shorter than her and now I'm way taller than her. And things are just so different." He said, his voice cracking slightly because he was holding back tears.

"Chuck, Ellie still loves you. That is one thing that will never change." I said. As hard as dealing with Chuck's memory loss had been for me and everyone else, I couldn't imagine how hard this has been on Chuck.

"I know." He sighed. "I just miss the Ellie I know. The one without a job or a boyfriend. Now don't get me wrong, Devon is _awesome_, it's just hard to get used to her being _married_."

"I'm sure."

We sat in silence for a few moments.

"So, is there anything else you want to know before we go to bed?"

"Yeah, um, a few more questions actually."

"I'm sure I have a few more answers."

"Okay. So, um, was I a good boyfriend?"

"Chuck, you are the nicest and sweetest guy I've ever known, and you are the best boyfriend I have ever had. " I smiled.

"Do you miss having a boyfriend?"

"I have you." Sure, Chuck is different from the Chuck I'm used to, but I wouldn't want to spend my time with any other guy.

"I know, but do you miss having a grown up boyfriend? Who takes you on dates and gives you gifts and stuff like that."

"Well, I do miss it. . . " _Mostly because I miss being with grown up you _". . .But, I love you more than gifts or dates. I'm just glad I have you Chuck."

Chuck smiled shyly. "Thanks Sarah. I'm glad I have you too."

"You ready to get some sleep?"

"Mmhmm." He said. He seemed like he was still thinking about something important. . .

He repeated his nighttime routine from last night, telling me goodnight and then telling the baby goodnight, and then he turned over on his side and fell quickly asleep.

I turned over on my other side and fell asleep trying to figure out what Chuck had on his mind before he fell asleep. . .

....................................

A/N_ I want to thank everyone for all reviews, whether they be old or new, positive or negative, they still help me out, so thank you. _

_We have 4 more to go, and I know some of you think I'm dragging this out but don't worry, I have a plan (just like the cylons haha) so just trust me lol. _

_Thanks again, _

_R&R  
_


	18. 26 days

A/N _It's Monday, so I figured I'd give you guys another update. :D _

................................

_I turned over on my other side and fell asleep trying to figure out what Chuck had on his mind before he fell asleep. . . _

I woke up around six-thirty with no hope of getting back to sleep. I quietly slid out of bed and walked out into the living room where I found Ellie, on the couch drinking some sort of herbal tea.

"Morning." She whispered.

"Good morning. What time did you get home from work?" I asked sitting in the chair adjacent to her.

"About three-thirty, but after a long shift I have trouble staying asleep because I'm so wired from work, so I decided to get something to drink and try to go back to bed. How is Chuck?"

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about him."

"What's wrong?" She asked, sitting up straight.

"Nothing Is wrong, really. It's just that Chuck is having a hard time getting used to being around you because he's used to you being a kid, rather than being a grown woman with a job and a husband. I just thought you might want to talk with him, because he's worried about telling you what he's going through. He's afraid it might be _weird_ for you."

"Yeah, of course I'll talk with him. I had no idea he felt like that."

"Neither did I, but we were talking last night before bed and he opened up to me about it."

"Well, I'm glad you told me because the last thing I want is for him to be afraid to talk with me." Ellie sighed.

"Well I have to go to Orange Orange until six tonight, so it'll give you guys a chance to talk."

"Yeah. I don't have to work for the next few days because they've called me in so many times this last week, so we'll definitely be spending some time together." Ellie said, putting her teacup on the coffee table.

"I'm going to try to go back to sleep. I'll talk to you later." She walked back toward her and Devon's bedroom.

"Sleep good." I whispered, going into the kitchen to make breakfast.

........................................

At twelve-thirty I was confined to my own personal workplace/prison, Orange Orange.

Work was surprisingly busy, but it was still complete boredom.

Around three-thirty things were starting to die down so I decided to get myself some frozen yogurt. The best selling _Orange Orange creamsicle,_ had been calling my name all day.

I heard the bell chime as the door opened and I saw Morgan walk to the counter.

"Hey."

"Hey how's it going?" I asked taking another bite of frozen yogurt.

"Every thing's fine, just thought I'd stop by on my snack break."

"Do you want some yogurt?" I offered, still devouring my own cup of yogurt.

"Yeah, that'd be great." Morgan said leaning on the counter. "I'll have the usual."

Chocolate frozen yogurt, with blueberries and Oreo pieces. Usually I had told Morgan and Chuck that the combination was sickening, but as I was making the frozen yogurt for Morgan, I found that it actually looked appetizing.

"So, how's Chuck?" He asked as I gave him his cup of yogurt.

"He's good."

"Still no. . . "

"Still no change." I said, finishing his sentence.

"Are you going to take him back to the doctors soon? See if maybe they can help us get normal Chuck back."

"He has an appointment in a few weeks, but as far as they know there isn't anything that can help. We just have to wait. I know it must be hard on you, not having your best friend around. At least not in the way you're used to."

"Yeah, I mean it is very hard, but I like hanging out with Chuck how he is now too. It's been a while since we were equally mature." Morgan said, lightening the mood.

"I love Chuck. Even if he's eight or twenty-eight or a hundred and eight. He's still my best friend you know?"

"I know exactly what you mean." I sighed.

" So, thanks for the frozen yogurt." He said, handing me a five dollar bill.

"Keep it. It's on the house." I smiled.

"Thanks. Well, off to Buymoria yet again."

"Good luck."

................................................

At six thirty-five I was on my way to my pent house apartment to change out of my Orange Orange uniform and into jeans and a t-shirt. This shirt happened to be Chuck's favorite shade of blue.

As I was walking through the bright green door of my home, I heard my phone start ringing. It was Devon.

"Hello?"

"Hey Sarah, can you do me a favor and not come home for thirty minutes or so?" Devon asked mysteriously.

"Um, sure Devon. Why?"

I heard Chuck shhh-ing Devon in the background.

"Can't say. It's top secret."

"Okay? I'll be home around seven."

"See you then. Bye."

"Mmhmm. Bye." I hung up the phone and couldn't help but wonder to myself what Devon and Chuck were up to.

........................................

I made my way through some well overdue paperwork while I had the free time. I nearly got sick when I realized I had yet to do my written report on the mission where Chuck got shot. . . _That_ one could be prolonged a little more, right?

The clock chimed when seven o'clock hit and I put the paperwork aside and left my apartment. At around seven fifteen I pulled into the driveway of Chuck's apartment.

As I made my way through the courtyard I could hear chaos coming from inside the house.

"Get out, she's here!" I heard Chuck yell just as I opened the door.

"Chuck?" I entered the house to find nearly all of the lights off, and a candle lit in the center of the table.

"Hey." Chuck said nervously as he leaned on the kitchen table.

"Why is it so dark in here?"

"It was stupid to turn off the lights, I know. But it was _Devon's_ idea, not mine."

I could hear Devon chuckle from the other room.

Chuck walked over and turned on the lights. "Much better." He sighed.

I hadn't noticed before, but the table was fully set with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on Ellie's fine china, and milk poured into red wine glasses.

"Chuck what _is_ all of this?"

"It's dinner, for our _date_." He said pulling out a chair for me. "You do like pb&j right? Cause it's all I know how to make."

"Yeah it's great Chuck." I said sitting in the chair. "But why are you doing all of this?"

Chuck sat down in the chair beside me before he answered my question.

"Because I'm your boyfriend, and boyfriends and girlfriends should have dates. Besides how long has it been since the last time you went on a date?"

_26 days. _

Well, that would be if you count lunch at Arby's after my second sonogram, a date.

"A while." I nodded with a sigh.

"Is this why I had to wait until seven to come home?"

"Yeah. Ellie took _forever_ driving us home from Toys R Us, so I didn't have enough time to fix dinner and set up the table by six-thirty."

"Toys R Us?"

"Yeah, I bought you something." He said picking up a strange shaped box covered in gift wrapping. "But you can't see that until after dinner." He said with a smug grin.

I couldn't help but wonder what Chuck could have bought me from Toys R Us.

"So you ready for dinner?" He asked.

"Mmhmm."

While we were eating our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Chuck started up a new conversation.

"I'm sorry I'm so nervous, this is kinda my, um, first date." He said shyly, as his cheeks turned a soft shade of rose.

"You don't need to be nervous Chuck, you are an awesome date." I said taking a bite of my sandwich.

"Really?" He seemed surprised.

"Oh yeah. This is probably _the _best pb&j I have ever had."

"Thanks. I couldn't decide between creamy or chunky and I had _no _idea what kind of jelly you liked so I was really worried you wouldn't like it, and that would ruin the whole date."

"No, it's perfect." I said with a smile.

And as we finished dinner, Chuck handed me the strangely shaped present.

"Go on, open it." He said seemingly excited or nervous, or both.

"Okay." I unwrapped the present and saw something I hadn't really expected.

It was an Iron Man action figure.

"Wow Chuck this is. . . "

"It's for the baby. There aren't any small parts he can choke on or anything, Ellie made sure. I saw these at the store and I thought they were cool, and then I remembered that the baby is going to need some cool toys, so I bought him this."

"Chuck, that's so sweet." I said, holding back tears.

"Are you crying? Did I do something wrong?" Chuck asked.

"No, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm just really happy, that's all." I said putting my hand on his warm arm.

"Oh, okay. At first I thought you were mad because the present was for him and not for you, and I was like 'I'm sorry, because I looked at the store and couldn't find anything for you' and I was worried that I'd ruined the date." Chuck rambled nervously.

"No, Chuck I wasn't anywhere near mad." I said drying my eyes.

"I'm glad." He sighed in relief.

"So, do you have anything else planned for our date?" I asked.

"Um, I don't know. What do you want to do? We can watch a movie or some TV or something. We could play a game. I mean I don't really know what to do on a _date_."

"We don't have to _do _anything. We can just hang out."

"You want to go outside?" He asked standing up from the table.

"Sure."

...................................

We walked outside and sat down on the fountain wall.

"Chuck are you okay?" He seemed fidgety and apprehensive.

"Yeah, I'm just a little, um, nervous." He said, swallowing hard.

"About what?" I asked, putting my hand on his shoulder.

"Well, I, um, had another question for you."

"What is It Chuck?"

"I, um, wanted to know if I could, um. . . Never mind."

"What?"

"I wanted to do this." He said.

He leaned forward and touched his lips to mine for no longer than a second. There was a certain innocence about it, and even though they were the same soft lips I was used to, the kiss was different than any other kiss we had ever had before, because it was a _very_ different Chuck.

"Was that weird? I'm sorry, I just. . . " He sighed, his shy voice trailing off.

"It's okay. It wasn't weird at all. I liked it." I assured him.

"Really? Because I was thinking last night and I figured that even though I'm not the boyfriend you're used to, I can still be a good boyfriend right? Thats why I set up this date. I like you a lot, Sarah."

So that's what he was thinking about last night.

The fact that eight year old Chuck still had feelings for me renewed my hope that _my_ Chuck was still somewhere in there, even though he's been gone for almost a month.

We held hands as we walked back inside together. He looked over at me and shyly smiled.

"Thank you for tonight, Chuck."

"You're welcome."

Eight year old Chuck's romantic attempt was very sweet, and made me realize two things.

First, I missed the Chuck that I know very much. And second, that even if I never got _my_ Chuck back, I would stay with _this_ Chuck no matter what. . .

......................................

_A/N, okay the kiss.. . Sarah didn't kiss back really, it was very much like the first kiss in seduction training with Roan,(ya know where he's all like "have you **ever** had intercourse?") Just wanted to clear that up before I got any reviews saying "ewww, Sarah is taking advantage of littlechuck etc etc." :D _

_Anyways, these next three chapters that will be posted will end up closing this fic up (Unless I do a followup, which I'm really on the fence about) So thanks for sticking with me thusfar, and thanks again for being so **awesome. **_

_R&R_


	19. Heart vs Orders

..............................

_First, I missed the Chuck that I know very much. And second, that even if I never got my Chuck back, I would stay with this Chuck no matter what. . ._

A week more had passed and nothing had changed. It had been twenty-three days since Chuck woke up in the hospital. As it was getting closer to the one month mark of Chuck being in his current condition, I was beginning to wonder if Chuck would ever be normal again.

But still I refused to give up hope.

Besides, being with eight-year old Chuck was actually kinda nice. It showed me a part of Chuck I'd never known anything about. What Chuck was like before all of the events that have made him the man he is today.

"Sarah are you listening?" Chuck's voice brought me back into the here-and-now.

"I'm sorry Chuck, what did you say?"

"Can I get some more yogurt?" He asked holding his empty yogurt cup out across the counter.

"Yeah sure." I smiled, taking his yogurt cup and filling it back up with frozen yogurt.

"Thanks Sarah." He grinned as I gave the cup back to him.

My phone went off and I looked down to see a text message from Casey.

_**Come down to castle now. **_

I rolled my eyes and put my phone back in my pocket.

"What?" Chuck asked, noticing my eye roll.

"It's nothing, don't worry. I have to go downstairs, you think you'll be okay up here by yourself?"

Chuck nodded.

"I'll be right back." I said, heading downstairs to castle.

..................................

Walking down the stairs, I could hear Beckman's voice from the satellite video feed. It sounded as if she were arguing with Casey. About what, I had no idea.

"Agent Walker, so glad you could join us." She said with an underlying hint of spite.

I defensively crossed my arms and braced myself for whatever scolding I was in for today.

"It has been _twenty-three_ days now, and there is still no change in Mr. Bartowski's condition. Am I correct?"

"Yes, General." I replied, not sure of where she was going with this.

"You have been off assignment for almost a month, and obviously in your _current_ condition you aren't going to be doing much work at all in the near future."

I couldn't tell if she was referencing to my upcoming maternity leave, or the fact that I could be dismissed from CIA service entirely.

"Agent Walker, you have been one of the most vital parts of operation Bartowski, but now your services are no longer required. You are to be back in DC in two weeks _maximum_ to talk with your superiors regarding all of your current actions. One of the CIA's best agents is being used to _babysit. _You need to be doing _useful_ work for this country."

"General, I can't leave Chuck while he is in this condition." I said defensively.

"You can and you will Agent Walker. You have your _orders_."

"No, I _won't_."

"Agent Walker, if you defy orders you are going to be in a world of trouble, so much more so than you already are."

_I don't care. _

"Two weeks maximum." She repeated as the screen went black.

"I tried to convince her not to do this, Walker, but I couldn't talk her out of it." Casey mumbled.

"I know. Thank you." I said quietly.

"Though, I did convince her of one thing."

"What?"

"I convinced her not to bunkerize our pint sized asset."

"What? You kept Chuck _out_ of a padded cell?" If twenty-eight year old Chuck were here he would have a field day.

"Don't act so surprised. I told the General that I would monitor him in his current condition."

"Thank you Casey." I said starting to walk back up the stairs to Orange Orange.

I got a grunt in response, which I took as 'you're welcome'.

I made it a point to compose myself before reentering Orange Orange. I walked back to my place behind the counter and found Chuck sitting over by the window messing with his Iphone.

"What was that all about?" He asked, putting his phone in his pocket.

"It was nothing, don't worry." I replied.

And as I looked into those innocent brown/green eyes I knew that nothing, not even direct orders, could make me leave him.

..................................

When work was finished, we headed back to the apartment. The day passed swiftly as Chuck spent the hours teaching me how to play Call of Duty.

After dinner, the phone rang and I answered. It was Dr Faraday, the man who had first informed us of Chuck's condition.

Chuck had an appointment scheduled for tomorrow morning, and the tone behind Dr. Faraday's words had me worried about what he was going to say.

"Who was that?" Chuck asked when I hung up the phone.

"It was Dr. Faraday. You have a doctors appointment tomorrow." I replied. Chuck's behavior changed as soon as I mentioned a doctor visit.

"I- I really don't want to have to go back there I mean, what if- what if they want to stick me with needles and take my blood or something? I _really_ don't want to have to go there."

I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry Chuck. I'll be with you the whole time."

His worry melted away at my words and his bright smile lit up the room.

"Thanks Sarah."

"It's my pleasure, really."

"So, you want to watch a movie?" He asked.

"Sure, what'd you have in mind?"

"How about. . . " He ran over and started going through the collection of sci-fi DVDs.

". . . X-men?"

"Sounds fun." I smiled, as he hurried to put the disk into the DVD player.

Once the movie got started Chuck came and sat beside me on the couch. Halfway into the movie he slid his hand over on top of mine and we laced our fingers together. He looked over at me and smiled nervously, and then turned his attention back to the movie.

When the movie finally ended he jumped up to put the sequel in. And after that the third movie in the trilogy. Though halfway through _X-men 3: the last stand_ he started getting tired, and he laid down across the couch, and put his head in my lap. He was asleep about five minutes later.

As I sat there playing with his hair, I felt a wave of worry wash over me. I had no idea what Dr. Faraday was going to tell us tomorrow, but it didn't sound like good news.

And though I would stay with Chuck no matter what the doctor said, the finalization of knowing my Chuck would never come back, would be far too much to handle. . .

...................

_A/N, read and review please! _

_2 more to go!  
_


	20. Lost hope

_Heavy angst warning_

..............................

_And though I would stay with Chuck no matter what the doctor said, the finalization of knowing my Chuck would never come back, would be far too much to handle. . . _

_Beep Beep Beep. . . _the alarm clock blared waking me from my not-so-peaceful sleep.

I smacked the alarm clock snooze button and turned over on my other side, startled when I saw that Chuck wasn't in bed beside of me.

I sat up and got out of the bed.

"Chuck?" I walked down the hallway and was shocked to see Chuck in the living room, sitting motionless on the couch.

"Chuck, are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry." He said nervously.

"What are you doing out here?"

"I couldn't get back to sleep. I couldn't get comfortable in the bed so I came out here so I wouldn't wake you up." He said, leaning back in the chair.

"How long have you been out here?" I asked, sitting beside of him on the couch.

"I don't know. What time is it?"

"Seven o'clock."

"In that case, it's been about an hour." He sighed.

"Chuck, are you sure you're okay?" I put my hand on his knee.

He closed his eyes and sighed again. "It's just. . . I'm really worried about going to the doctor today. And I can't stop worrying about what's gonna happen at the doctors office."

"It's okay, Chuck. Nothing bad is going to happen to you when we go there I promise."

"I know. But, I'm also worried about what the doctor-guy is gonna say. I'm just afraid he'll say that I'm gonna be like this forever. Being like this is really _weird_."

"Well, for all you know he might say that you're gonna get better soon." I said, trying to cheer Chuck up.

"I hope so." He smiled shyly. "So, when do we have to leave?"

"Well the appointment is in about an hour, so we need to get ready to leave here in a few minutes."

"Okay." Chuck said, standing up and walking to the bedroom.

I had tried not to think about what Dr. Faraday might say today, but Chuck's worry had brought the topic to the front of my mind.

I couldn't bear to let my thoughts be bombarded with worry, so I clung to the hope that Chuck might recover soon. . .

...................................

Chuck had been more upbeat after I had spent the morning with him, but when we got in the busy elevator headed for the top floor of the hospital, he became anxious again.

He nervously tapped his fingers on the side of his leg, and put his hands in and out of his pockets nervously a few times. I was pretty sure I hadn't ever seen Chuck _this _nervous.

I put my hand on his arm and I took his hand. We laced our fingers together and I looked over at him and mouthed "It's going to be okay."

When the elevator made it to our floor we stepped off together. We sat down and waited until a nurse called us back to an examination room.

Dr. Burke, the psychologist who worked with Dr. Faraday, took Chuck into another room to do some scans on Chuck's brain and when the tests were over, she brought him back to the exam room.

She asked him a few questions, and as he answered she wrote furiously in a manila folder.

When she was done asking him questions, she stood up and walked to the door.

"The doctor will be with you in a moment." She said, leaving us alone in the room.

Chuck's nervous grip on my hand hadn't loosened any since we had stepped off of the elevator.

"Are you sure there won't be any needles?" He asked, looking over at the sharps disposal container that read : _**Danger **__**Biohazard. **_

"Chuck, don't worry." I reassured him. "Even if there are needles, I'll be with you the whole time. I won't leave, I promise."

He smiled nervously as Dr. Faraday came in the room.

Chuck looked at the doctor's name tag and his eyes focused in and out for a split second. He exhaled heavily and began panicking. He had flashed on Dr. Faraday.

His breathing rate increased and when Dr. Faraday went to make sure Chuck was okay, his panic increased.

I brought Chuck over to the corner of the room and put my hands on his shoulders.

"Chuck, it's okay. What did you see?" I whispered.

"He-he-he's an NSA agent and I think he killed someone. . . He's not Fulcrum or whatever but he is not _just_ a doctor. " Chuck breathed.

"Chuck I need you to calm down okay? Trust me, everything is going to be alright. He works with Casey." I said, trying to calm Chuck back down.

"Yeah, okay. . . I'm sorry for freaking out about that. These flashes are weird." He mused in a whisper.

"It's okay." I said, holding his hand as we walked back over to the doctor.

"Sorry, he's afraid of doctor's offices." I said to Dr. Faraday, unsure if he had the clearance to know about the Intersect.

"It's fine. Now, let me introduce myself. I'm Dr. Faraday. Chuck, we've never met but you know my friend Dr. Burke, right?"

"She is the blond doctor right?"

"Yeah, thats her." He nodded. The doctor sighed and opened up a manila folder.

"I really don't want to drag this out." He said, looking again at the file.

"It has been almost an entire month and we haven't seen any improvement in Chuck's condition. . . "

I really didn't want to hear these next few sentences.

". . . He is perfectly healthy, physically, but there isn't really a way to mend a mental wound." Even the doctor looked like he didn't want to say what was coming next.

"It is beginning to look like it is going to be now or never with Chuck's condition, and from all of the data we've collected. . ." The doctor closed his eyes and forced the next words to come.

". . . .It appears that Chuck isn't going to get better. Unless some miracle happens. And for your sakes I hope a miracle _does_ happen." He said, seemingly upset.

The room was hauntingly silent.

"Are there any questions I can answer for you?" Dr. Faraday asked, closing the folder in his hands.

Both of us, still stunned silent, shook our heads.

"Well then I must go tend to my other patients. . . Know I truly _am_ sorry. I wish I could help." He said regretfully.

He left and we were alone again in the silent room, our fingers still laced together.

We left the hospital and began a silent drive back to echo park.

The deafening silence was too much to bear. . .

"Are you okay?" I asked softly.

"No." He whispered, staring outside of the car window.

The hope of his recovery had been lost, and I couldn't imagine what he felt.

"I'm sorry, Chuck." I whispered my response, sure that if I spoke up I wouldn't be able to fight off tears anymore.

It had been fifteen minutes since we had left the hospital when reality hit hard.

I had lost my Chuck forever. We would never be together the same way as before. Our baby would never have it's father.

The life that we both desired so much, was now unattainable.

The _man_ that I love was gone forever. And even though I love the boy that stands in his place, The void _my _Chuck's absence left was agonizing.

I pulled into the driveway of the apartment and took the keys out of the ignition. We sat in the silence for a moment longer until Chuck broke the silence.

"I'm sorry too, Sarah." He said, tears escaping from his brown-green eyes. He laid his head on my shoulder and cried.

I put my arm around his shoulder and kissed the top of his head.

"It's okay Chuck. Everything is going to be okay." I said, making my voice as strong as I could get it without breaking down and crying myself.

The last thing he needed was to see me upset.

"But, you guys. . . You and Ellie and Morgan and everyone, You'll never have normal-me ever again." He said.

"Everything is going to be okay." I repeated, though this time I wasn't sure if I was saying that to him or saying it to myself. . .

.................................................

The house was empty when we came inside, but Ellie called asking for updates on what the doctor had said. When I told her what Dr. Faraday had said, I could hear her crying from over the phone.

She said that she would tell Devon and Morgan so I wouldn't have to repeat the story again.

I was extremely thankful for that, because repeating those words again and again seemed to sting a little more every time.

Chuck still didn't say much. It hurt so much to see him this distraught.

I made him macaroni and cheese for dinner, but he didn't eat much.

"Chuck. . . "

He looked up from his nearly full plate. "Mmhmm?"

"Do you want to watch a movie?" I asked the same question he'd asked me nearly every night since he had woke up in the hospital.

"Sure." He said, with a faint hint of a smile.

We walked over to the couch and Chuck asked, "What movie are we gonna watch?" He asked, seemingly trying to put himself in a better mood.

"It's a surprise." I said, walking over to put the mystery disk into the DVD player.

The movie went onto it's menu and Chuck looked over at me, his smile widening just a little.

"Iron Man?" He asked.

"I knew you liked this one." I smiled, putting my hand on his shoulder.

"Thanks Sarah."

"It's my pleasure."

.....................................

When the movie went off Chuck was acting more like the boy I know and love.

He was talking more, and eventually he finished eating.

Around eleven Chuck started dosing off on the couch, so we decided to go to bed. The day had been long and personally I was ready for it to be over.

When were ready, we both got into bed.

Chuck fell asleep quickly and I was grateful that he could get some peace.

I turned on my other side to face his and put my hand on his warm cheek. I ran my fingers through his dark curls, and brushed a stray curl off of his face. The tears I'd been fighting all day finally started to fall as I looked at his beautiful face.

I fell asleep in his arms, but this night was different than any other.

Because I knew that the way he held me in his sleep was just a reaction, and that _my_ Chuck wasn't anywhere to be found.

But even in losing _my _Chuck, nothing had changed.

I still wasn't going to go back to DC and leave Chuck, and I still loved him just as much, even if he'd never be the same, because this Chuck is _my _Chuck, and _that_ will never change. . .

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_A/N, **Don't review yet, and if you do, no flames please. **_

_This chapter is not the end, and if you think it is, you'll really miss out. TRUST ME. _

_I won't give away anything, but because I don't want to drag this out any further, I've posted chapter 21 too. :D The final chapter. . . Wow, I can't believe it.  
_


	21. Reason to stay

_Behold, the last chapter. . . ._

_.............................._

_I still wasn't going to go back to DC and leave Chuck, and I still loved him just as much, even if he'd never be the same, because this Chuck is my Chuck, and that will never change. . ._

The sunlight filled the room and woke me from my dreamless sleep. I looked at Chuck and his beautiful sleeping form, and the look of peace on his face.

I put my hand on his warm cheek and brushed a few soft curls away from his face. I slowly got out of the bed and got ready to take a shower. Once I was in the shower, the only company I had was my thoughts.

It was amazed me how much my life was always changing.

I lived a life on the run with my father, then I became an agent. I lived my life as an agent who pushed her feelings aside constantly, and then I met Chuck, and I fell in love.

He changed me more than any circumstance in my life, because he, unlike anyone else in my life, let me feel like myself.

When we were finally together for the first time, things changed again. We found out that we were going to be parents.

And then, on the last mission we were on, things changed again, but this time in a different way. This time it was Chuck who changed.

My _different _Chuck has been here for a month now, and yesterday I found out that things aren't going to get better.

And in a few more months, things will change again, when our son comes into the world.

Nothing stays the same for long in our lives. Things are always changing.

But change isn't always bad. Sure, it's hard to endure but in the end the pain is worth it. As much as losing _my _Chuck hurt, gaining this Chuck has been a blessing. I love him just as much, and he is still the same man I love, even though he's just a boy.

I hadn't realized how long I'd been in the shower until icy water started raining down on me.

I quickly turned the water off and got ready for the day.

Once I got dressed and fixed my hair I walked out into the living room. I saw Chuck sitting on the couch.

He still didn't seem very talkative, and he looked like he was deep in thought.

"Do you want some breakfast Chuck?" I asked, walking into the kitchen.

"Ellie made me some breakfast. She told me to tell you that there is a bunch of waffles leftover in the fridge, and that she finally bought some cereal that didn't taste like grass." He said, still very distant, but he was starting to sound more like himself.

"Thanks. I seriously don't know how Devon eats that stuff."

"Don't ask me. I'm happy with cocoa pebbles." He said smiling shyly.

"Any chocolate cereal is good in my book." I said, smiling back at him.

He sighed and stood up and walked over into the kitchen. He walked over to the refrigerator and poured himself a glass of orange juice.

He took a drink as he shut the refrigerator door and walked over to sit at the bar.

He returned to being quiet again, but broke the silence after a few minutes.

"Sarah, I've been thinking. . . "

"About what?" I asked in response.

"About a lot of stuff actually. It's just because of yesterday really. It made me realize a lotta stuff. You've been taking care of me for a month now. Ellie and Morgan and everyone have helped too, but you've always been with me, because Ellie is at work too much to stay here all of the time.

"And you always promised me 'you'll get better soon Chuck, don't worry' but now we know that isn't going to happen. And even though that makes me really sad, I know you're really sad too. I'll never be the same guy. I'm not going to be the Chuck you knew ever again."

"I know Chuck, but it's okay." I interrupted.

"Let me finish please."

I nodded in compliance.

"Sarah, you need a grown up boyfriend, and the baby needs a grown up for a dad. I can't be that guy. I think that you should be with someone who can make you happy."

I had already decided that nothing was going to make me leave. Not orders, not anything. But I had never expected Chuck to tell me that I could leave. He was being so selfless.

That is one thing that hasn't ever changed.

But I couldn't bring myself to leaving, even though Chuck was letting me go. Because Chuck was my reason to stay. I don't want a life apart from him, no matter what state he is in mentally. I love him no matter what.

"Chuck, I can't. You make me happy, Chuck. No one else can. And the baby doesn't need a 'grown up' for a dad, he needs _you_. I will always stay with you, I don't care if you're not a grown up."

"Sarah, I don't want you to have to waste your life taking care of me."

"Chuck, it wouldn't be wasting my life. Being anywhere else _but_ here is wasting my life. Chuck, do you understand how much I love you?"

He smiled. "Sarah, I love you too. You're my best friend. And even though I only remember having _one_, you are the best girlfriend I've ever had." He said, his mood dimming again. "But that's why I think you should leave. I love you and the baby so much, but I don't want you to have to take care of him _and_ me."

"Chuck, we're a family, we'll all take care of each other. Taking care of you isn't a job, it's what I love to do. I love to take care of you. I always have."

_I've never felt like our time together was work._ My words from a few years ago still remained true. I love every second I have with Chuck.

"And Chuck, you are the same guy I knew before. You're sweet and kind and gentle and a good friend and boyfriend and father. You are every bit the guy I met at Buymore a few years ago. And. . . "

Before I could finish my sentence, I was caught off guard by the movement I felt inside of me. It was the strangest and yet most wonderful feeling I had ever felt. Our son was kicking for the first time.

"Chuck, come here."

He stood from his seat at the bar and walked toward me. "What? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah Chuck everything is fine." I replied, reaching out to grab his hand.

I placed his hand on the spot that the baby was kicking and waited for the response. Chuck hadn't said anything for a few seconds, he'd just looked down at his hand on my abdomen.

I felt the sensation of our hands laced together on my abdomen as the baby moved once more.

"Chuck, can you feel the baby?" I asked.

He looked up at me, and there was a spark in his eye I hadn't seen in weeks.

"Sarah?" He breathed my name. And when he said my name it wasn't the same as it had been these past few weeks. The inflection sounded like _my _Chuck.

"Yeah, Chuck. It's me."

He wrapped me in his arms and kissed me with force, catching me off guard.

"Sarah I thought you were dead." He said in between passionate kisses.

"I'm fine Chuck. Everything is okay." No more 'everything will be okay' everything was fine. My Chuck was back. I had no idea what miracle had just happened but the hope I'd lost yesterday had just been renewed.

He continued kissing me and we found ourselves walking backwards until I was up against the sink.

"Careful." I cautioned, putting a hand on my abdomen.

He looked down at my abdomen and looked back up at me strangely. My Chuck had been gone for a month and things were very different from before.

He got down on his knees and put both hands on my waist. He gently kissed my abdomen.

"But, I thought I'd lost both of you. . . How are you still alive?"

"The first shot was a misfire, and the second just grazed my arm. You were the one who got hurt the worst. The bullet barely missed your heart."

He put his hand on the spot where he'd been shot and he winced slightly. I couldn't tell if he were in pain or just remembering the pain of the bullet hitting him on that day.

"How long has it been?" He asked looking back up at me.

"Too long." I replied. "Almost a month."

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I was hurt, but I couldn't lose you. Either of you." He said, again kissing my abdomen.

"Promise me you'll never leave me again." I said firmly. I still wasn't sure if this was real. It could have been some wonderful dream, and if it was I didn't want to wake up.

It felt so good to have the _man_ I love back with me.

"I promise." He sighed, standing up. He rubbed my cheek with his thumb, and I realized that I had been crying. I hadn't even noticed that he was crying.

I was so caught up in the moment. _My_ Chuck was back, and he wasn't leaving.

I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him again. I hadn't realized how much I had missed the warmth of his lips, or the way he held me is his strong arms.

My cell phone started ringing and ended our kiss.

"Hello?" I asked without checking the caller ID.

"Yeah, Walker, I'm calling for my daily update on Chuck. General Beckman's getting all perturbed because we haven't been updating her in a _timely enough _fashion." Casey said, his gruff voice coming through the phone.

"Chuck is fine, Casey."

"Come again?"

"Chuck is back to normal. Everything is fine." I said, and Chuck had a look of confusion cross his face.

"Really?" Casey sounded genuinely caring.

"Yeah, he's fine. He's perfect." I traced his warm chest with my hand and leaned my head against it.

"My moron is back." Casey said, with a slight chuckle. "Tell him I say 'hey moron'. Feel free to use those exact words if you'd like."

I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"I'll let you get back to your, um, reunion." Casey said roughly.

"Bye Casey." I said hanging up the phone.

"What do you mean 'back to normal'? What happened?"

"You don't remember?"

"The last thing I remember was what happened on that rooftop." He winced again at the memory.

"Chuck, you woke up at the hospital, and because of the trauma you suffered your brain almost shut down because it couldn't take it. So, your very unique brain used a coping mechanism. . ." And as I said the words 'coping mechanism' his strange reaction caught me off guard.

He made the same face he did when he flashed. It was like the words had _caused_ a flash.

He exhaled heavily and then caught his breath.

"I was eight years old. . ." He mused monotonously. ". . . I was eight years old for a whole month?"

"Yeah, Chuck." I nodded.

"You stayed with me the whole time?"

"Mmhmm."

"Sarah. . . I'm sorry." He said, kissing the top of my head.

"It's fine Chuck. As much as I missed _you, _it was great to see what you were like as a kid. You were always the perfect guy for me." I said, looking up into his brown-green eyes.

Chuck smiled and blushed softly. His reaction made me realize how much of eight year old Chuck was in _my _Chuck.

"Where is Ellie?" He asked.

"She's at work. I need to call her." I could only imagine the screams I would hear when she realized that her brother was back to normal.

"I'll do it." Chuck grinned smugly.

.............................

Chuck walked over into the living room and sat on the couch. I sat down beside of him and l rested on his chest. His warm arms wrapped around me and resting on my abdomen.

Chuck grabbed his phone out of his pocket and hit Ellie's speed dial number.

"Hello?"

"Hey sis. I just thought you might like to know that I'm, uh, _back to normal_." He said awkwardly, apparently unsure of how to tell his sister the good news.

And then we heard an ear piercing squeal, which I was sure had to be intelligible words in _some _language.

Chuck held the phone away from his ear and shook his head and smiled. He pulled the phone to his mouth and covered up the earpiece.

"Ellie, I know you're excited, and I am too, but in order to talk to me, you're gonna have to bring it down a few octaves." He laughed as he calmed his sister.

Chuck explained everything that had just happened in the past few minutes, but before they could have much more of a conversation, Ellie had to scrub in for an emergency surgery.

Chuck decided that he should call Morgan, but got his voice mail. So he left a message and hung up the phone.

I sighed and we sat there in peaceful silence for a few moments. Being together was enough that we didn't need words.

"Chuck, I take back what I said a few months ago. . ."

"What did you say?" He asked.

"When I told you that I thought that we should wait to be together."

"Oh, _that_." He said sadly.

"Chuck, I've had to wait a whole month to be with you now, and I don't know that I can wait any longer to be with you."

"But what about Beckman and all the rules that you're breaking?" He asked.

"Chuck, I don't care anymore honestly. Beckman knows we're having a baby, and the worst that the CIA can do to me for breaking rules is dismiss me from their services, which wouldn't be the worst thing in the world."

"Sarah, you would give up your career just to be with me?" He said it like being with him was less important than my CIA career.

"Chuck, I just want a normal life. With you, and our son. My career isn't as important as our family."

"_Our son?" _ He asked, his eyes lighting up and his smile widening.

"Mmhmm." I nodded. I had forgotten that Chuck didn't know that we were going to have a boy.

"Our son." He repeated under his breath, tracing circles on my abdomen.

He held me tighter and kissed me on the cheek, his lips slowly pulling away.

"I love you." He whispered, kissing my cheek again.

"I love you too, Chuck." No matter what.

It was here that I realized that I had made the right choice in deciding that if I had to, I would leave my spy life behind, and stay here with Chuck.

Because here, I have all that I need: The two boys that I love, with all of my heart.

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The End

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I want to take this time to thank every loyal reader and reviewer, you guys completely floor me. I had no expectations for this fic to be as well received as it has been, and the fact that people want to read something I wrote, is unfathomable to me.

Thank you to every person who helped in any way. (Ikantdance05, chuckaholic, joujou, SM93STARBUCK, in the world of my favorite aliens "you have saved my life, I am eternally grateful")

I do in fact plan a followup, but it's not gonna be an angst fest like this was, this followup will probably be one a the fluffiest things you've ever read. I won't spoil anything but the one thing I will promise you is lots of romance, the birth of a baby, and JEFFSTER.

Thanks again! Rockchick4JC!

_Well here you have it ladies and gents, the end of my first chapter fic._

_Love it? Hate it? Want me to do a followup? Lemme know what you think.** R & R**_


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